Raison D'Etre
by J.J. Blue
Summary: Fourteen people are involved in the battle for the end of the world... but if one is dead why not replace him with a Persocom? (SxS) [Complete] [Betaed]
1. Prologue

**Title: "Raison D'Etre - Prologue"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), a bit of sappiness...  
**Notes:** Born to... hum... torture Hokuto and Seishiro? Explore the possibilities of Persocom usage in the **'X'** series? Well, that too but I was aiming at something else with this... What? You'll discover when it'll be finished...  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"**, **"X"** and **"Chobits"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:** To **Ruth** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _Fourteen people are involved in the battle for the end of the world... but if one is dead why not replace him with a Persocom?_

* * *

**_'Futari ga kitto deaeruyouna mahou wo kakete / ... / Imamade zutto ienaimama kakushitetano / Tsuyogatteru soredakenano mitsukedashite / Machiawasemade atogofun mattete/ Sonoatofutari koi ni occitano / ... / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / Dakishimetainoni / Dakishimetainoni.'  
('To make sure the two of us meet, I cast a spell / ... / Until now, unable to say it, I've just been hiding it / I'm only acting strong, that's all it is, please see through it / Just wait five more minutes until we can meet / And after that we fell in love / ... / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / I just want to hold you /I just want to hold you.')  
ROUND TABLE featuring Nino - "Let Me Be With You"_**

* * *

**1991 - Tokyo - Shinjuku**

Sumeragi Hokuto was walking back and forth in front of her brother's room.

She wasn't allowed in to see him, not while her grandmother was trying to Go Within Subaru's soul.

Hokuto knew it was dangerous to Go Within another person's soul, especially if he was an Onmyouji, even moreso if he was someone as powerful as her brother, particularly if the Onmyouji trying to do it was old and in a wheelchair due to a _'meeting'_ with the Sakurazukamori.(1)

The Sakurazukamori.

The one who had broken Subaru's arm and heart without any hesitation.

The Sakurazukamori.

The one who had marked her brother as his prey and now was Kami-sama knew where, planning to finish Subaru off.

The Sakurazukamori.

Sakurazuka Seishiro.

Sei-chan.

The one whom she had carelessly handed her brother's fragile heart to.

The one she had allowed to enter into Subaru's life.

The one she had joked with as one would with a friend.

The one she still couldn't bring herself to hate.

Hokuto knew that what had happened had been entirely her fault.

Even if Sei-chan was the only one whom Subaru would ever be able to get attached to, the two would never have managed to get that close without her support.

If they hadn't gotten so close Subaru wouldn't have fallen for him...

She had kept telling herself she was doing it for Subaru, because he needed someone Special in his life, because he needed someone just for him.

It was a lie and she knew it.

She had been doing it for herself, because she had wanted Subaru to do what she had believed was best for him, because she had wanted him to have the life she had chosen for him, because she had wanted to be able to look at him and see that he too was... human...(2)

Subaru had revealed himself much more human than she had expected and now his humanity was killing him from inside.

Subaru's door opened with a click and her grandmother manoeuvred her wheelchair out of the room with a bit of difficulty. In her concern for Subaru she hadn't realized she should have helped her, in her concern for Subaru all she could do was ask how her brother was.

"He's awake," was the laconic reply. "And conscious of his duties," the old woman added.

Hokuto couldn't care less about Subaru's duties, she just stormed into the room, forcefully shutting the door behind her as if to close out duties and problems as well and ran to hug her brother. She practically threw herself at him and she hugged him as tightly as she could, but she realized almost immediately something was wrong. She released Subaru to look at him in the eyes but he turned his gaze away.

"Subaru..." _'What's wrong?'_ she wanted to ask but she knew what was wrong or she believed to. She gulped and tried to summon the strength for a smile.

"I have to get up, Hokuto-chan," he told her, still not looking at her. "I have to... prepare things. Obaasan wants me to get back to Kyoto," he explained, still avoiding her gaze.(3)

"Kyoto? But..." she said in confusion as she moved to allow him to get up. Subaru was moving mechanically, tiredly, as if each act required all his strength and he was managing to do it only due to his strong will. And she hadn't missed how he had called their grandmother _'Obaasan'_ instead of _'Obaachan'_, as he usually did.(4)

"Obaasan said I'm born to be a Ten no Ryu, destined to fight in the battle for the end of the world," Subaru said calmly, almost impersonally. He was picking out the things he used for his work as an Onmyouji, the Shikifuku, the Ofuda, the candles, the mirrors and all the other assorted things, setting them carefully, despite the discomfort his broken arm should cause to him. She knew she should help him but somehow she couldn't find the will to move. She was frozen on the spot, staring at him, unable to block out that sensation of dread she was feeling but not understanding what was causing it.

Subaru paused in the middle of his work, his shoulders slumping, hands tightening on the last object he had picked up.

"A Ten no Ryu is born to protect humanity. A Ten no Ryu will create a Kekkai to protect them. A Kekkai to protect the person he cares for the most. The person I care for the most..." he trailed off but she knew who he was talking about.(5)

How could Sei-chan have done this to him? How could he have carelessly broken his heart?

She knew he loved Subaru, she was sure of it, was his duty as Sakurazukamori more important than his feelings?

What could she do to make things right between Sei-chan and her brother again?

To make them both live happily together?

"Do you know that the Sakurazukamori is born to be a Chi no Ryu instead?" Subaru continued, as if he had never paused, his tone tinged by a mocking note. "We're not only from opposite Ichimon, we're foreordained to be enemies in this, too... Obaasan said I will have to kill the Chi no Ryu to save the person I care for. Isn't it ironic? To have to kill the one you want to save?" he asked but his voice wasn't ironic anymore, just empty and she wanted so desperately to console him and yet she couldn't think of a single word to say to him. This matter was too big, too horrible for a teenager to handle, and it wasn't fair that Subaru had to deal with it.(6)

"Subaru..." she tried but he interrupted her again.

"Hokuto-chan. I have never thanked you for all you have done for me. I've never thanked you for all your help and encouragement while I was around Seishiro-san. Thank you. No matter what others will say or do, I've been happy in this year, I've been happy each and every second I spent with him, more than I have ever been in my whole life. I don't regret any second. I would have liked it to last forever. I would have liked to have more, to be able to do better. All I had with him I owe to you and I thank you," he said firmly in a very honest tone as he picked up more objects, she couldn't see which ones, since he had his back turned to her now.

"Subaru..." Yes, she too had wished it would last forever, she too had wished things would go better, she too had wished her brother could stay happy.

"I should apologize I didn't choose you as my more important person. My sister. My twin. The only one who loved me for what I was, for who I was. I'm sure, Hokuto-chan, that there's someone who will see you as his most important person, maybe he already does," Subaru continued. She blinked. What was Subaru trying to tell her? He turned and smiled at her but that smile looked... wrong in view of the situation they were facing, in view of the things Subaru should be feeling right then.

"I'm born to protect Seishiro-san," he said calmly, before turning to pick the last remaining objects that were part of his Onmyouji equipment. "I'm born to protect him from me. There's only one thing I can do in order to accomplish that, in order to protect him from someone he views as nothing more than a glass cup," he stated calmly and Hokuto wished she could scream at someone. At Sei-chan for telling him such an idiocy or at Subaru for believing him to be serious, she didn't know which one of the two. Instead she remained silent, just staring at Subaru. "Hokuto-chan, Seishiro-san told me that Sakura petals are pink because they feed on the blood of the people buried under them. It's the blood that makes them grow beautiful and strong. Please, make sure I'll be buried under a Sakura tree," and as he said so, firmly, without the tiniest hesitation, he removed the ceremonial blade from its sheath, turned it against himself and plunged it into his body.

"**SUBARU!**" Hokuto screamed but it was already too late. Subaru bent down and was forced to lean on the table to support himself, then his strength failed him, his grip on the table's corner loosened and he fell. Hokuto grabbed him but he was too heavy for her to support and they fell to the floor together. Other people joined them, screaming people, yelling people, but she didn't care.(7)

Her brother smiled at her, a weak, pained smile.

"I'm sorry... Hokuto-chan... All I wanted... was to be... with Seishiro-san... protect him... and that's... the only way... to accomplish... my... Wish... I... am... so... sor...ry... Sei..."(8)

On Subaru's naked hands the Sakurazukamori's marks flared for the last time, then faded to never be lit again.

She stared at him as his green eyes became dull and slowly closed while his body went limp in Death's embrace. She stared at him, trembling, unable to shed the tears that were filling her eyes because if she let them fall, if she let them fall it would mean that it was true, that he was gone forever, so she called him softly, once, twice, ignoring a man who was telling her that he was gone, ignoring her grandmother telling her to behave in the proper way for a Sumeragi, ignoring everything except Subaru lying asleep in her arms, because he was asleep, wasn't he?

She called him, called him, calledhimcalledhim_calledhim..._

He never answered her back. He would never do it again. Her twin, her Subaru was dead, and with him a part of her soul.

She screamed at the realization, then bent down and wept, holding Subaru as tightly as she could, she wept without being able to stop, she weep until her tears ran dry.

* * *

Somewhere else in Tokyo a man was forced to lean in pain against a building as the spell that had marked Sumeragi Subaru signalled the boy's passing to the man that had created said marks.(9) Backlash was a nasty thing, especially when he caught his victim totally by surprise but he plainly didn't care about it. He panted heavily, not understanding what had happened, how it could be possible that...

"Subaru-kun... foolish boy, what have you done?" he whispered to himself as he sagged to the ground, void of all strength but only the wind answered him, blowing strong enough to raise fallen Sakura petals or, maybe, to cover the answer that a ghost would whisper to him, to cover his answer as it had done long ago with the voice of a teenager that was making a bet with a child.(10)

* * *

The previous Sumeragi no Chou kept her grief to herself when her grandson died. She had been trained to ignore her own feelings in favour of concentrating on her duty.

Destiny required the Sumeragi to give a Ten no Ryu for the last battle.

It was her duty to provide one and she would do just that, no matter what.

The Sumeragi Ichimon would never bow to the Sakurazuka Ichimon. Never.

* * *

In a water-looking world a YumeMi smirked. Everything was following her plans just nicely.

* * *

**_'Minaretamachi sarigenaku arukeba / Tashika ni konome niwa utsuru / Mugure ninatte susumu hitonami ni / Umorete obieteru kokoro / Raison d'etre sonna fuu ni / Raison d'etre onajiyouni / Waratte shizunde nagarerunowa naze / Kagi wo sagashiterunda zutto sgashiterunda / Dokomade mienai? Sono door no kagi wo / Kotobayorimo daijina nanika ni / Kizukenai toki wa sugiteyuku / Aizu wo machi oshierarerumama / Sashishimesu vector ni mukau / Raison d'etre kyoumo sekai de / Raison d'etre shinjirerunowa / Kasukana hikari to kegarenaki shin no ai.'  
('The town where everyone sleeps/ If I walk with nothing on my mind, I can see it / Buried under the advancing crowd/ Is my trembling heart / Raison d'etre, in that way / Raison d'etre, in the same way / Smile, fall silent, why do my emotions sway/ I'm looking for a key, I've always been looking / I can't see it anywhere, where is the key to that door... / What's more important than words/ The time keeps passing and you can't realize it / Waiting for a sign to be taught like this / Facing the vector that was pointed out / Raison d'etre, in today's world too / Raison d'etre, I believe it / A faint light shining on a real love.')  
Rie Tanaka - "Raison D'Etre"_**

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. When Seishiro trapped Subaru in his Maboroshi and told him the truth about the bet Subaru's grandmother managed to free him. However, probably due to the Sakanagi, she remained injured and ended up in a wheelchair.

2. In **'Tokyo Babylon'** Hokuto admits she didn't consider her brother's behaviour very human because he was too controlled and that she was glad to see him lose his cool when he saw Seishiro hurt because she finally found the humanity in him. She also said that she knew that Seishiro was dangerous but she hadn't cared because she had wanted Subaru to get attached to someone.

3. The Sumeragi main estate is in Kyoto, not in Tokyo.

4. Subaru and Hokuto always call their grandmother _'Obaachan'_ which is a polite yet affectionate way to call her. _'Obaasan'_ is more polite and formal but also more... distant.

5. According to Aoki Seiichiro when you create a Kekkai you've got to think of the person you want to protect the most. In the manga when Subaru loses Seishiro (who was the person he cared for the most) he is not capable of creating a Kekkai anymore.

6. Subaru's grandmother assumed that in the battle between Ten no Ryu and Chi no Ryu the Ten no Ryu will have to kill the Chi no Ryu to win. In **'X'** isn't said it will be necessary to do so, however she believed that was what the Ten no Ryu would have to do in order to win.

7. Since Subaru's grandmother was in a wheelchair I assume someone had transported her from Kyoto to Tokyo. That's why there are other people in Subaru's apartment.

8. I know, I know, in **'X'** Subaru's wish is to be killed by Seishiro. However this was after Seishiro murdered his sister and Subaru spent eight years trying to hate him and failed. Since here things went differently his Wish is different.

9. Actually in the manga it is never said if the star shaped marks Seishiro had left on Subaru could be used to get info about Subaru's well being or how they would react, should Subaru die. Seishiro said he placed them merely to recognize the boy. Subaru later said that Seishiro could have used them to track him down also. However I'll go with the popular opinion that they're a bit more useful than that.

10. In Subaru's memory of the bet when Seishiro said the terms of the bet he didn't manage to hear them due to the wind.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
One of the things I don't understand at all of **'Tokyo Babylon'** is why, when Subaru went within, no one tried to fish him out of it like Subaru did with Kamui. Wouldn't it have been way better than let him remain catatonic or let Hokuto go on a suicide mission?  
Okay, so it might be that someone tried and failed but there's no mention of this.  
As for the behaviour of Subaru's grandmother... no, she wasn't trying to be cruel with her grandson. She just believes duty come first and she hadn't grasped Subaru's attachment for Seishiro. In her mind she had believed that, saying Subaru those things would make him understand Seishiro wasn't worth Subaru's pain. Subaru instead was afraid of the mere thought of having to hurt Seishiro in the future and preferred to kill himself off.  
"Let Me Be With You" and "Raison D'Etre" are respectively the opening and the ending of **'Chobits'**.  
About **'Chobits'**... I'll only use the concept of Persocom. I'll assume that in **'X'** timeline they had just started making them but they were too expensive for common people so only very few people could allow themselves to buy one.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Ichimon:** "Family" or "Household" or "Clan"  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Obaachan:** "Grandmother" or "Old Woman"  
**Obaasan:** "Grandmother" or "Old Woman"  
**Ofuda:** Short, polite form for 'Ujikofuda' ("Charm for Shrine Visitors"). Rectangular paper "charm" used to cast some spells  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyouji:** "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakanagi:** "Reverse effect". Backlash of a spell  
**Sakura:** "Cherry Tree" or "Cherry Blossom"  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Shikifuku:** Ceremonial Robe  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven  
**YumeMi:** "Dreamgazer". Who can see the future in dreams

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	2. Chap 1: Yours Truly

**Title: "Raison D'Etre - Chap 1: Yours Truly"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), a bit of sappiness...  
**Notes:** Born to... hum... torture Hokuto and Seishiro? Explore the possibilities of Persocom usage in the **'X'** series? Well, that too but I was aiming at something else with this... What? You'll discover when it'll be finished...  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"**, **"X"** and **"Chobits"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:** To **Ruth** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _Fourteen people are involved in the battle for the end of the world... but if one is dead why not replace him with a Persocom?_

* * *

**_'Futari ga kitto deaeruyouna mahou wo kakete / ... / Imamade zutto ienaimama kakushitetano / Tsuyogatteru soredakenano mitsukedashite / Machiawasemade atogofun mattete/ Sonoatofutari koi ni occitano / ... / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / Dakishimetainoni / Dakishimetainoni.'  
('To make sure the two of us meet, I cast a spell / ... / Until now, unable to say it, I've just been hiding it / I'm only acting strong, that's all it is, please see through it / Just wait five more minutes until we can meet / And after that we fell in love / ... / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / I just want to hold you /I just want to hold you.')  
ROUND TABLE featuring Nino - "Let Me Be With You"_**

* * *

_**"I drive the very latest hovercar  
I don't know where you are  
But I miss you so much till then  
I met someone who looks a lot like you  
She does the things you do  
But she is an IBM. **_

__

_**Although her memory banks overflow  
No one would ever know  
For all she says: is that what you want?  
Maybe one day I'll feel her cold embrace  
And kiss her interface  
'Til then, I'll leave her alone. **_

_**I love you, sincerely  
Yours truly, yours truly... **_

**_Is that what you want? (Is it what you want?)  
Is it what you really want? (Is it what you really want?)  
Is that what you want? (Is it what you want?)  
Is it what you really want?"  
(Electric Light Orchestra - "Yours Truly, 2095")_**

**1999 April - Tokyo - Nakano**

The ground was trembling. People were screaming in pain. The SunPlaza was now broken in two halves, leaving him with a destroyed building or better a destroyed Kekkai, as a side effect of a job well done.(1)

His victim, another man who had planned to be a threat for Japan, was lying at his feet, dead, his blood dripping on the ground and on the Ofuda he had used to finish him off.(2)

He should feel satisfied but he wasn't. He wasn't disappointed either. He just... didn't care.

Life for him was only a matter of always repeating the same gestures until the end would come.

He held no hope for the future.

He didn't even think he had a future.

Even if he hadn't been born to be a Chi no Ryu he just... wouldn't have minded destroying the world. Before he had cared about nothing except having fun and now he couldn't even manage to get that. Even the sweets he had once adored now felt tasteless.

Life had no meaning for him.

Would it be different if he had someone he cared for? He had no idea because in the end he had never cared for anyone. He had tried to, just out of curiosity, to see if he could do it, but he had failed.

He simply... didn't know how to love. It was better like that, he assumed, that way he was a good Sakurazukamori and a good Chi no Ryu, the problem was just... that he was bored.

No, not bored.

Boredom would be an improvement.

He was empty, like a leaf carried on the wind.

Oh well, he was used to it, he mused as he picked out his cigarette pack from one of the pockets of his coat, and yet... there had been a time when it had been different, a time when he had woken up to... to live, to see green, bright eyes and to charm them, so that their gaze would never leave him. It had been a silly game, he could admit that. But it had been a game that had made him feel... alive as nothing could do anymore. It had been a game that, as long as it had lasted, had managed to paint his grey world with bright colours, colours that now lived in his memory only.

Oh well, it was a lovely memory, the best he had but, as all the beautiful things, it had come to an end.

That time wouldn't return.

The world would never look that beautiful to him again, so why not to destroy it?

Ugly things didn't deserve to live anyway.

He was kind of startled when he felt the flare of an old spell, a spell that had been inactive for eight years, but that sensation was so fleeting he couldn't really be sure he had felt it in the first place and, when he raised his eyes, he could only stare in surprise at the smiling teenager that had jumped in front of him and that had efficiently trapped him in a star-shaped Kekkai.

Bright, green eyes shadowed by long, dark eyelashes, pale skin, black hair, rosy lips, colourful clothes...

"Subaru-kun?" he said hesitantly, removing his sunglasses to get a better look at him, to bathe in the boy's bright colours better, but the boy could not be Subaru-kun, the boy had died years ago and, even if he had survived and Seishiro had been wrong in believing him dead, he wouldn't look exactly the same he had when he had been seventeen.(3) Subaru-kun wouldn't stay in front of him, smiling as if nothing had happened, in the usual kind way Subaru-kun had with people and, more important than everything else, he would feel his marks on him, feel them clearly and instead he could only feel a dark void.

And yet...

Only Subaru-kun had possessed that ability that the teenager in front of him was showing, the ability to... shine... to stand out... to give the colours of the world a brightness they possessed only when he was around.

The teenager's smile didn't waver as he heard him calling that name.

"That's right, I'm Sumeragi Subaru, pleased to meet you," the boy said politely, bowing formally. "You should be one of the Chi no Ryu, if I'm not wrong. May I ask your name?" he asked tilting his head curiously.

Sumeragi Subaru.

Sumeragi Subaru-kun.

Subaru-kun.

**_His_** Subaru-kun.

No, this Subaru-kun couldn't be **_his_** Subaru-kun. Maybe a cousin with the same name. Yes, he probably was a cousin and yet the explanation didn't sound satisfying at all. Yet this Subaru-kun couldn't be **_his_** Subaru-kun.

He couldn't.

And not because **_his_** Subaru-kun should be twenty-five by now or because he was dead.

This Subaru-kun couldn't be **_his_** Subaru-kun simply because this Subaru-kun had no idea of who he was. For all his politeness and smiles he was looking at him as one would look at a complete and totally meaningless stranger. **_His_** Subaru-kun would never look at him like that. **_His_** Subaru-kun had never looked at him like that, not even at their first meeting. Even then the boy had known he belonged to him, he just hadn't been aware of it.

"Sakurazuka Seishiro," he replied raising a cigarette to his lips, wondering why that Subaru-clone bothered him so much. It simply... seemed unfair that someone could look so much like **_his_** Subaru-kun and not be him. Yet it was strange. It had been a... lifetime since the last time he felt something so... strongly.

No, not a lifetime.

Just eight years.

The boy nodded in acknowledgment to his name.

"So you must be the Sakurazukamori," he stated with the same tone one would have used to say that it was April. "I should have guessed it from the fact you used Onmyoujutsu to do... this." _'This'_ was said with distaste and disapproval as he looked around but there was no trace of the pain that **_his_** Subaru-kun would have felt watching that carnage. The boy simply didn't find what he did right. Seishiro felt even more annoyed as he lit the cigarette.

Was disapproval all that he could inspire in that teenager?

And yet... it was odd but that annoyance he felt also caused him to feel... alive.

Those green eyes, those green eyes of **_his_** Subaru-kun's same shade turned on him and the boy gave him a friendly smile.

"I know I shouldn't say this to someone older but you really shouldn't smoke, Sakurazuka-san. It's bad for your health," the boy told him, shaking his head. Seishiro felt taken aback as only **_his_** Subaru-kun had been capable to do with his caring and innocence but the feeling didn't last.

"With the end of the world around the corner, _'Subaru-kun'_, smoking is the last of my worries," he replied, smiling charmingly, wondering why he was bothering to reply or to smile at the teenager.

He couldn't remember the last time he had paid attention to another human being.

Or better he could remember it quite well, he just didn't want to.

The boy smiled back at him, unaffected by his reply.

"I'm sorry, Sakurazuka-san, but my duty is to prevent the end of the world at any cost, so I suppose we'll have to fight now," the teenager replied simply.

Seishiro nodded in agreement.

"I'll let you the first move then, _'Subaru-kun'_," he said. He would rip apart that child; rip him apart for looking so much like **_his_** Subaru-kun and yet not being him. He didn't know why, but this unnerved him more than everything else and yet... The boy bowed in thanks.

"You're too nice, Sakurazuka-san," he said in such a polite, honest manner he definitely didn't look like he was being ironic. Seishiro made a gesture to encourage him not to worry about it and to proceed with his attack. The boy smiled at him brightly, then, in such a fast manner that Seishiro barely caught the movement, he picked up some Ofuda and threw them at him, murmuring expertly the words required to turn them into white birds.

Seishiro managed to use his cigarette to create an inverted-star-shaped Kekkai that destroyed the boy's birds as they smashed against it and smiled indulgently at him. The boy smiled back as he kept attacking, fast, always faster, his green eyes serious and focussed like **_his_** Subaru-kun's eyes used to be when the boy was doing some complicate spell.

The battle was getting intense and Seishiro had to summon his Shikigami.

This was as it should have been his last meeting with Subaru-kun, he thought, with them exchanging blow after blow until one of them would die. It would have felt right back then, it was what he had wanted back then but now, he realized as he gazed at the still politely smiling teenager, it felt plainly wrong. It wasn't that the boy was a bad opponent, in fact he was the best he had ever faced, even more interesting than Kamui-chan, it was just... that it felt wrong, it felt wrong to fight against someone who looked so much like **_his_** Subaru-kun and yet... wasn't.

**_His_** Subaru-kun would have never been capable of smiling politely while fighting someone else in a battle for their lives. **_His_** Subaru-kun would feel pain at the mere idea of hurting a soul and that pain would be clearly visible in his expression, in his green eyes that had never been able to hide anything...

**_His_** Subaru-kun's smiles, those smiles that he generously offered to everyone, were never used in such circumstances...

**_His_** Subaru-kun was different from this boy.

**_His_** Subaru-kun...

**_His_** Subaru-kun...

And yet as he gazed at that boy he could almost see...

He internally cursed as he realized he had let himself be distracted by that train of thoughts and that he had paid for his distraction with a bad gash on his left cheek.

"That hurts, _'Subaru-kun'_," he said, touching the wound carefully. No big damage done but he was amazed to discover it stung. When Kamui had hurt him during their... scuffle he hadn't even registered the damage...

Meanwhile the boy was staring at his cut. He wasn't smiling but he didn't look sad as **_his_** Subaru-kun would have been at the idea he had hurt another human being. He was just staring.

"I'm really sorry I had to hurt you, Sakurazuka-san," the teenager replied quietly and so very honestly with an apologizing bow. "I would really prefer there was another way..." he continued. The boy was still staring at his bleeding cheek as if he couldn't comprehend how blood could come out from the cut, frowning slightly as if confused.

Odd, but Seishiro plainly didn't care.

Seishiro looked at his blood-smeared fingers and then at the boy in front of him. If that teenager was so fascinated with his blood he could let him see it closer, he mused as he walked towards him. The boy didn't move, unafraid, or maybe just uncaring, he didn't move not even when Seishiro smeared his left cheek with his blood, he just stared at him, as if trying to sort out something and Seishiro could only stare back. Those green eyes so perfectly identical to the one **_his_** Subaru-kun had had and yet... different...

For a long second they stared into each other's eyes, saying nothing, as if the answers to all their questions laid in their eyes, then Seishiro forced himself to take back the control over his body.

"Since I'm hurt I think I'll stop here for today," he said cheerfully, smiling brightly. "I guess I'll see you again, _'Subaru-kun'_," he whispered, bending down to the boy's ear as if sharing a secret with him, before vanishing in a flurry of Sakura petals.

The boy stared at the Maboroshi for a second.

He knew that the man's disappearance was the mere result of a Maboroshi the man had created, he knew that the man couldn't get out from his Kekkai on his own but... but he didn't want to search for him, didn't want to search for that man that smiled childishly and yet never seemed to feel true happiness, for that man that one moment was regarding him so intently and another so carelessly, for that man that seemed to search desperately for something in him and was unable to find it, for that man that had lost his right eye and yet fought quite well without problems or hesitation but who, despite that, hadn't wanted to finish the fight he had started with him.

He touched his blood-smeared cheek.

His fingers came back with light smears of drying blood.

Sakurazuka Seishiro-san's blood.

The proof that that man was alive.

That man was alive and yet he was fighting for the destruction of humanity. Was _'destroying humanity'_ his reason to live? He didn't know, he couldn't know and yet, that man too had born with a purpose.

A purpose.

A reason to live that Sakurazuka-san had chosen for himself.

He closed his eyes.

He had been allowed to exist for a purpose too, a purpose that Sumeragi-sama had chosen for him, a purpose that should have been fulfilled by the previous Sumeragi Subaru-san.

Sumeragi Subaru-san...

Sumeragi Subaru-san had had a reason to live, too...

He looked again at his blood-smeared fingers as if in them he could find some answers, then smiled as he calmly cupped his hands and dispelled his Kekkai.

However he would never remember that smile as if it hadn't belonged to him at all.

* * *

That night Sakurazuka Seishiro found Sumeragi Hokuto staring at the city from the balcony of her penthouse in Shinjuku. At twenty-five she was quite pretty and feminine, her form rounder and yet still petite. He was kind of surprised that her clothes weren't as fancy as they had been in her youth and totally tinged in black. After her brother's death she wore no other colour but black but, after all, black was a proper colour for someone in mourning. He often wore black too, but for a completely different reason. Black simply hid the bloodstains better and... suited him more, a dark creature without heart.

Little did he know that Hokuto too was hiding bloodstains in the blackness of her clothes, the bloodstains of her ever bleeding heart. She didn't believe it would ever stop bleeding.

She didn't turn toward him when he jumped on her balcony, she kept staring at the dazing lights of the city. There was a nearly empty bottle of Sake on a small table next to her and she was still holding a glass in her slender fingers, rolling it in between them obsessively.

"Good evening, Hokuto-chan," he said smoothly.

"Good evening, Sei-chan," she replied tonelessly before taking another sip from her glass.

"I saw the new _'Subaru-kun'_, today," he continued, not really caring about her lack of reaction. Years ago he had pretended to be her friend. Now he didn't need to keep up the masquerade anymore. He knew she had cared for him only because she had wanted to pair him up with her brother and now that Subaru-kun was dead he could understand how she could dismiss him so easily. Subaru-kun had been the only person in the world that would have never been capable of dismissing him, that had cared for him without wanting anything, without asking anything back. Only Subaru-kun, just Subaru-kun. Now that the boy was dead no one could replace him.

"I've got to admit I'm disappointed. I would have never believed the Sumeragi Ichimon would have used a Persocom to replace its KaChou... to allow a machine to use Onmyoudo..." he commented, shaking his head. He'd done some researches after his meeting with _'the boy'_. Persocoms were a new reality, one that only rich people could indulge in.

Personal computers with a human-looking body.

He knew money wasn't a problem for the Sumeragi Ichimon, however he had been impressed by how perfectly Subaru-kun's features had been reproduced.

Normally, Persocoms had weird ears and pupil-less eyes but that wasn't the case here. _'The boy'_ looked perfectly normal. He even felt warm and soft to the touch. And apparently the Sumeragi had done something to him, some sort of complex exorcism so that he could use Onmyoudo as well and create a Kekkai as only a Ten no Ryu should be able to do. It was a violation of the rules the Sumeragi Ichimon itself had set, to allow a machine to posses the ability to use Onmyoujutsu but he figured that, since the Sumeragi Ichimon was the one that made the rules, it could unmake them as well.

"Complain to Obaasan. It's her Persocom, after all," Hokuto-chan said in a disinterested tone as she filled her glass again. He had noticed how she now called her grandmother _'Obaasan'_ and not _'Obaachan'_ anymore. He had also noticed how she looked thinner than she should be and how she seemed to have developed a drinking habit, but the only thing he cared for was to try and picture how **_his_** Subaru-kun would have been at twenty-five using her as model now that he could see her profile also and not just her back.

He would have been taller than her and definitely with fewer curves. His lips would have been probably a bit thinner and his jaw more marked. Subaru-kun's long eyelashes would have been still shorter than Hokuto-chan's one. He would have kept his back straight, not so... slumped. He...

"Come on, Hokuto-chan, I'm sure you had a hand in his creation as well. His clothes couldn't have been picked out by anyone else but you," he insisted. The Persocom had unnerved him and he couldn't understand why. He didn't like to be kept in the dark.

"I bought his clothes and I helped programming his personality, yes," she replied swallowing the content of her glass in a single gulp. "I helped so that he would look exactly like **_he_** did..."

"You did a poor job then," he criticized. "Subaru-kun would have never been able to be in the middle of the carnage I caused and smile as if nothing had happened."

"I did a wonderful job, actually. I made sure they didn't insert in him a single pain program. He'll never feel pain. He'll never be hurt. He'll never suffer. He'll never..." she paused and shook her head as if to clear her mind. "Not that it matters. All his reactions are program-induced. It's not like he really feels something. I just didn't want to see **_him_** grieve again," she said, frowning as she lost herself in some old memory.

Seishiro could understand that. Subaru-kun had grieved too much and Hokuto-chan had never liked it and yet... his precise mind complained at this lack of realism. A Subaru-kun that didn't grieve, that didn't mourn wasn't a Subaru-kun. But if that Persocom wasn't a Subaru-kun why had it be able to affect him in the manner only Subaru-kun could do?

"Aren't you happy now?" she asked, turning fully to him. She wasn't wearing any make-up and so he could notice clearly that she was paler than she should have been, paler and tired, quite worn out really. "You told **_him_** that **_he_** was nothing but an object to you and now he's an object, exactly as you said. You got what you wanted, Sei-chan," she said in an accusing tone, swaying slightly as she smiled at him bitterly.

"I wanted nothing from your brother, Hokuto-chan. I didn't care at all for him. He was the one who interrupted my work when he was a child and I've been even too kind in allowing him to reach his teenage years," he replied absently. He remembered what he had said to Subaru-kun, however, this wasn't how he had wanted things to turn out when he had spoken those words. "I've heard they managed to download the old Subaru-kun's memories in this new _'Subaru-kun'_. I guess it was your idea also to remove any recollection of who I am." Even if the new _'Subaru-kun'_ wasn't **_his_** Subaru-kun he'd been annoyed by the fact he didn't exist in the Persocom's memory. He didn't like the idea of not existing. He hated to be ignored.

She shook her head, he had no idea if in denial or if to clear it. She looked quite tipsy.

"Sakurazuka Seishiro never existed. Why should I have let him have memories of an illusion?" she asked. He didn't bother to reply to her even if what she said didn't improve his mood at all.

"You drink too much, Hokuto-chan. It's not good for your health. Subaru-kun would be so disappointed..."

"Subaru's dead," she reminded him, saying his name for the first time in years as she seemed to sober up. "None of us will ever see him again," she stated, returning her gaze to the city below her even if she didn't really look like she was seeing it.

Seishiro frowned. Somehow her last statement had bothered him more than he would have liked to admit.

* * *

**_'Minaretamachi sarigenaku arukeba / Tashika ni konome niwa utsuru / Mugure ninatte susumu hitonami ni / Umorete obieteru kokoro / Raison d'etre sonna fuu ni / Raison d'etre onajiyouni / Waratte shizunde nagarerunowa naze / Kagi wo sagashiterunda zutto sgashiterunda / Dokomade mienai? Sono door no kagi wo / Kotobayorimo daijina nanika ni / Kizukenai toki wa sugiteyuku / Aizu wo machi oshierarerumama / Sashishimesu vector ni mukau / Raison d'etre kyoumo sekai de / Raison d'etre shinjirerunowa / Kasukana hikari to kegarenaki shin no ai.'  
('The town where everyone sleeps/ If I walk with nothing on my mind, I can see it / Buried under the advancing crowd/ Is my trembling heart / Raison d'etre, in that way / Raison d'etre, in the same way / Smile, fall silent, why do my emotions sway/ I'm looking for a key, I've always been looking / I can't see it anywhere, where is the key to that door... / What's more important than words/ The time keeps passing and you can't realize it / Waiting for a sign to be taught like this / Facing the vector that was pointed out / Raison d'etre, in today's world too / Raison d'etre, I believe it / A faint light shining on a real love.')  
Rie Tanaka - "Raison D'Etre"_**

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. I'm not sure if the earthquake in Nakano happens in April but Sakura blossom around April and there are many Sakura in full blossom around...

2. In **'Tokyo Babylon'** it is clearly explained that the Sakurazukamori kills the people that threaten Japan's well being or who know his true identity. I assume he would also murder whom he perceives as a threat to himself. In the **'Tokyo Babylon'** OAV Seishiro also murders those who threatened Subaru's life. However it might be he perceives Subaru as a potential heir (or maybe it's just due to the bet terms and Seishiro's possessiveness).

3. I know, I know, when **'Tokyo Babylon'** starts, Subaru is sixteen. But Seishiro and Subaru's bet lasted a year and I assume they didn't meet on the 1st of January. In Vol. 2 we're already at November. Subaru's birthday is in February. I'll say there are good chances that before the end of the bet he managed to turn seventeen or, at worst, was about to.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
To portray the characters in this chapter had been hell because they have changed a lot.  
I know, I know, it's hard to picture Hokuto in such a self-destructive state but here I hypothesised that Subaru was her reason to live. Once she lost him and feeling guilty for it she lost her will to live as well.  
The Subaru Persocom was terrible to deal with. I'm so used to a Subaru who feels pain that I wasn't sure about how to move one who can't feel it at all.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-sama:** "Lord" or "Lady"  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Ichimon:** "Family" or "Household" or "Clan"  
**KaChou:** Family Head  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Obaachan:** "Grandmother" or "Old Woman"  
**Obaasan:** "Grandmother" or "Old Woman"  
**Ofuda:** Short, polite form for 'Ujikofuda' ("Charm for Shrine Visitors"). Rectangular paper "charm" used to cast some spells  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyouji:** "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sake:** Rice Wine  
**Sakura:** "Cherry Tree" or "Cherry Blossom"  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Shikigami:** "Ceremonial God". Summoned creature that attends an Onmyouji  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **icestar2007**: I'm glad you like this! I hope you will like it's continuation too. I agree on the fact that CLAMP needed a plot device but even if going within it's a secret Sumeragi art, this doesn't imply that no other Sumeragi could perform it. The Sumeragi are a Clan. They should have other members less powerful than Subaru but still capable to do it. Subaru can't, after all, be everywhere. I think there should be other Onmyouji around Japan and maybe in Tokyo too and while the manga said it's a risky thing to go within it didn't say how much powerful one has to be. owever all those are speculations... only CLAMP know the truth...

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	3. Chap 2: Give A Reason

**Title: "Raison D'Etre - Chap 2: Give A Reason"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), a bit of sappiness...  
**Notes:** Born to... hum... torture Hokuto and Seishiro? Explore the possibilities of Persocom usage in the **'X'** series? Well, that too but I was aiming at something else with this... What? You'll discover when it'll be finished...  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"**, **"X"** and **"Chobits"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:** To **Ruth** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _Fourteen people are involved in the battle for the end of the world... but if one is dead why not replace him with a Persocom?_

* * *

**_'Futari ga kitto deaeruyouna mahou wo kakete / ... / Imamade zutto ienaimama kakushitetano / Tsuyogatteru soredakenano mitsukedashite / Machiawasemade atogofun mattete/ Sonoatofutari koi ni occitano / ... / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / Dakishimetainoni / Dakishimetainoni.'  
('To make sure the two of us meet, I cast a spell / ... / Until now, unable to say it, I've just been hiding it / I'm only acting strong, that's all it is, please see through it / Just wait five more minutes until we can meet / And after that we fell in love / ... / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / I just want to hold you /I just want to hold you.')  
ROUND TABLE featuring Nino - "Let Me Be With You"_**

* * *

_**"ME magurushiijikan no mure ga  
Hashiri nukerumachi wa sabanna  
Kawaru ga waru syuuru na nyuusu  
Asu ni nareba, dare mo wasureteru **_

_**Ikiteiru ima, Ikiteiru  
Sonna naka de nani ka motome  
Mogaku you ninukedasu you ni  
Kono chikara otameshite mitakute **_

_**Kitto doko ka ni "kotae" aru Umarete kita kotae ga  
Hito wa mina, sore o motome  
Yarusenai nogasenai yume ni mukau no **_

_**KIZUtsuku KOTO wa kowakunaidakedo keshite TSUYOkunai  
Tada, NANI mo shinai mama deKUyandari wa shitakunai  
Here we go! go! HASHIri TSUDZUkeru DARE ni mo TOmerare wa shinai  
MIRAI no JIBUN e to Give a reason for life TODO ketai."  
("Things are moving so fast, the moments ticking by  
The city that it runs through is a Savannah.  
Sure news of an ill change...  
We'll get used to it tomorrow, everyone will forget. **_

_**I live now, I live...  
Like it's inside, something searches...  
As if it were struggling, as if it were sneaking away,  
It wants to test this power. **_

_**Surely, somewhere there lays "the answer," the answer that was born,  
That is what all people wish for,  
Facing the dreary dream that they can't let go. **_

**_I'm not afraid of getting hurt, but it's not hard to erase.  
It's just the way it is without doing anything, and I don't want any regrets.  
Here we go! Go! Keep on running! No one will be able to stop us.  
I want to give a reason for life to my future self.")  
(Megumi Hayashibara - "Give A Reason")_**

**1999 July - Tokyo - Ikebukuro**

Sakurazuka Seishiro was observing the Persocom that looked like Subaru-kun walking quietly at his side through the crowd of people that wandered through Tokyo's streets as the real Subaru-kun had done so many times before.

He wouldn't have been able to explain to anyone why he was always inviting the quiet Persocom. Maybe it was simply because he had too much free time on his hands or because the Persocom had answered _'yes'_ the first time he had waited for it outside CLAMP Gakuen and asked it out under the shocked gaze of Kamui-chan. The Ten no Ryu's leader was always trying to hang around the Subaru-kun Persocom like a lost puppy. Seishiro wouldn't have minded using him to redirect some Sakanagi.(1)

It wasn't that Seishiro enjoyed the Persocom's company, even if he had to admit that Hokuto-chan had been right and, the inability to feel pain set aside, the Persocom had the same personality Subaru-kun had had and each of its movements was a perfect reproduction of Subaru-kun's gestures and that was kind of interesting. Oh, and it was a pity that the Persocom didn't blush. That was another of the traits the absence of which he regretted.

Anyway to be around the Persocom... was just Seishiro's way to fill his time.

Just that.

He had no idea why but, after Subaru-kun's death, time had started to look tremendously long and empty, filled only by mechanical gestures like getting up, getting dressed, eating, working, eating, working, getting undressed, going to bed, trying to sleep.

That emptiness... had disturbed him.

It was like not being alive anymore, being just a machine.

He didn't like it and so he kept inviting the Persocom, hoping it would free him from that unpleasant sensation.

"Why do you always accept my invitations, _'Subaru-kun'_?" Seishiro asked as he savoured his ice cream cone while sitting on a bench. Somehow food tasted better when he was around the Persocom. He would have bought an ice cream for it as well, but it had informed him that it didn't eat. "I think your grandmother would hardly approve..."

The Persocom turned toward him, stopping to feed the birds with the bird seeds Seishiro had bought it shortly before. It liked to feed birds, as Subaru-kun had liked to do. To watch the Persocom was almost like making a jump into the past, a past that wouldn't return. Not that Seishiro missed it; it was just a way to bring relief to the emptiness in his life.

"She's not my grandmother and she left me with no instructions about avoiding you," the Persocom replied, before coming to sit next to him. The birds followed it, unafraid. "Even if I too doubt she would approve," it continued, resuming its feeding motion.

"So why do you come with me?" Seishiro insisted, wanting to know the Persocom's motivations. Somehow he believed it was important to know them.

"Because you invited me and it would have been impolite to refuse," it said simply. The Persocom was really as honest as Subaru-kun had been. It didn't lie, at best it would tell Seishiro it wasn't allowed to talk about something with him.

"You're so honest and polite, _'Subaru-kun'_..." Seishiro replied, distracted. It was mildly annoying that the Persocom wasn't searching for something from him, that it didn't want something from him. It was as if the Persocom found him uninteresting, useless.

"That's how I've been programmed to be, Sakurazuka-san," the Persocom replied carelessly. The Persocom knew that Seishiro knew what it was. It didn't mind.

"Doesn't Hokuto-chan say anything? I'm not sure she would like the fact I spend time with you. I've been awfully cruel to her brother, you know..." Seishiro continued, smiling innocently as if he was talking of meaningless things.

"I know," it stated simply without elaborating. "Hokuto-chan said I could do as I see fit. I'm not really her brother, after all," the Persocom reminded him, smiling without any care as if the thing didn't bother it at all. Probably it didn't, since feeling bothered wasn't part of the Persocom's programming.

"What exactly did they tell you I did, _'Subaru-kun'_?" Seishiro asked, swallowing the last bite of his ice cream, curious to know what the Persocom knew about him. Every time Seishiro called the Persocom by the name that had been given to him his voice sounded forced. He couldn't help it. That wasn't the real Subaru-kun and calling it that name that simply felt... weird.

"Aside from your work as Sakurazukamori you marked Subaru-san, lied to him, seduced him, abused his trust, made him feel guilty, broke his heart, broke his arm, tried to kill him, caused Sumeragi-sama's paralysis and took away Hokuto-chan's will to live," the Persocom said in a quite impersonal manner as if repeating a lesson, counting Seishiro's crimes on its fingers. There was a hint of disapproval in its voice, but no pain at all. Hokuto-chan had really stripped it of every possibility to feel emotional pain. Despite all the teasing Seishiro had tried to use against it, the Persocom still couldn't go further than disapproval. Pain was alien to it and yet... that idyllic condition in which it lived just felt wrong as if not knowing pain somehow made its happiness false.

"I made Subaru-kun feel guilty? Guilty about what?" he asked curiously.

"Your eye. Hokuto-chan said you lost your eye to protect him and he felt guilty about it," the Persocom replied. It had finished feeding the birds, but the birds were still around him. "Can I ask you a personal question, Sakurazuka-san?" it asked.

"Sure. Shoot," Seishiro replied, staring at the blue sky. He could watch the Persocom only for a limited amount of time before his mind went into overload, too busy comparing it to how Subaru-kun had been to do any other sort of work. He didn't know why he always compared the two of them, he just never failed to do so as soon as he set eyes on the Persocom.

"Why did you do it?" the Persocom asked, curiosity in its voice.

"Because I promised Subaru-kun that I would protect him for a year and I wanted to keep my word," Seishiro answered, giving him a quick glance. The Persocom seemed to consider the reply.

"Is that the only reason?" it asked then. Seishiro laughed out loud.

"Sure, what did you expect me to say? That I did it for love? I didn't care for Subaru-kun, I felt nothing at all for him," he said dispassionately. "To me he was the equivalent of a glass cup. I feel nothing. Nothing at all. Not back then, not now. I have no feelings, _'Subaru-kun'_. You know that."

His coldness was wasted on the Persocom. It didn't hurt it in the slightest.

"Would you mind me doing something? But you should close your eyes first," the Persocom said, unimpressed. Seishiro smirked and wondered if it was planning to prove he felt something by kissing him. It was an amusing idea.

"Not at all, _'Subaru-kun'_," he replied, closing his eyes. "Should I remove my eyeglasses as well?" he asked.

"No, that won't be necessary," the Persocom assured him before pinching his arm. Hard. Seishiro yelped and hurried to free his arm from the Persocom's hold. Someone should teach it to control its strength.

"What was that for?" he asked in a definitely whining tone, rubbing his now sore arm.

"What does it feel like?" the Persocom asked, grinning.

"If you had asked I would have assured you I can feel physical pain just fine, no demonstration needed, _'Subaru-kun'_" Seishiro assured him in a sulking tone. Oh, okay, so for a while, before he had started to hang around to the Persocom, his brain had begun to not register physical pain anymore but that wasn't the point. And anyway, for twenty-six years he had felt physical pain just fine... it was odd how his perception of it had started to fade away after Subaru-kun's death, but now it was back and there was no point in demonstrating it. "Anyway, I was talking of not having feelings towards other human beings..." Seishiro continued. "_'Subaru-kun'_, that hurt, aren't you going to kiss it to make it better?" he asked, pouting.

"Kissing is not in my program, Sakurazuka-san, and there is no scientific basis about it _'making something better'_," the Persocom replied, shaking its head, failing to understand the teasing and taking Seishiro's words literally. "But I'm allowed to find you some ice if it really hurts that bad," it offered. Seishiro shook his head, annoyed at the mention of the Persocom's program.

The program.

That damn program.

Hokuto-chan had also made sure that it went against the Persocom's program to call him by name. He was always and only _'Sakurazuka-san'_ for the Persocom. It would never call him _'Seishiro-san'_. Not that Seishiro needed it to do so. After all the Persocom wasn't Subaru-kun and it wouldn't be the same to be called _'Seishiro-san'_ by it. Not that, when Subaru-kun had done it, it had been special, it was just the way he was comfortable with being called by that voice...

"Anyway at least you can feel something. You should be glad about that. I can't. At all. Being touched is just a notion to me in the same way the damage that I could receive would be a notion. I don't bleed," the Persocom continued.

"The better for you. I could have done without this, _'Subaru-kun'_," he sulked childishly. The Persocom smiled.

"I'm really sorry about it, Sakurazuka-san," it apologized condescendingly. "You sure you don't want some ice?"

"Positive," Seishiro muttered grumpily. The Persocom seemed to not take his injury seriously. Probably it wasn't. Once it had mentioned it could calculate exactly how bad the damage it inflicted was and evidently it knew that the injury Seishiro had received wasn't that bad.

"Why didn't you keep your promise to Subaru-san without losing your eye? I'm sure that hurt, too," the Persocom asked then, returning to the previous topic. Seishiro shrugged.

"I had to act quickly and I didn't have the time to think," he explained. He really didn't know why he had felt such an urgency to act right then, he had just followed that impulse. Besides Subaru-kun was **_his_**. That woman had no right to hurt him. "Why are you so set on knowing this, _'Subaru-kun'_?" he asked. He didn't really want to talk about the time he had lost his eye. Thinking of it had always... disturbed him even if he never realized why.

"Everything people do, they do it for a reason. For something they deem important. The greater the risk, the more important the reason. You could have gotten yourself killed. Such a great risk suggests a very important reason. You didn't care about Subaru-san. So what was your important reason? If I may ask, of course," the Persocom asked again.

"I told you already. I promised and I wanted to keep my promise," Seishiro replied stubbornly. There had been nothing else. There couldn't have been anything else, so there had been nothing else.

"Is, keeping a promise, a reason important enough to die? Is that why Subaru-san killed himself? To fulfil a promise?" the Persocom asked him. Seishiro frowned. He knew that Subaru-kun had killed himself. He had no idea why. When he had asked Hokuto-chan she had refused to answer to him. She said that Subaru-kun's death would be wasted if she told him why he had died.

"I've no idea. If it was for a promise, it wasn't a promise he made to me," he replied honestly. "You should ask to Hokuto-chan. She knows but she wouldn't tell me," he said and there was a whining note in his voice to underline how he found the thing unfair. "Why do you want to know anyway, _'Subaru-kun'_?" he asked then. The Persocom's gaze turned thoughtful.

"I've no reason to live or to die. I fulfil a program. Each of my actions is governed by it. I can't feel and I can't choose out of the options my program gives to me and this makes me not really like a living being. I have been made just to replace Subaru-san, to fulfil his duty. However Subaru-san had the chance to choose what he wanted for himself. He chose what he wanted to live for and what he wanted to die for and doing so he gave to his existence meaning. He made his choice and doing so he lived."

"He also died," Seishiro underlined. He didn't like where that chat was heading. It was revealing to him a side of Subaru-kun he hadn't known. A side of Subaru-kun that had cared deeply for something, beyond his sense of duty.

"You can die only if you have lived. He died for something he judged worth it. I guess he died for his reason to live. According to my program I exist to replace him but I don't know why should I live or die beyond fulfilling his duty. I haven't a real choice so I haven't got a real reason to live or to die," the Persocom admitted. "But maybe it's right like that. I'm not a real person, after all."

"Does it bother you, _'Subaru-kun'_? To be a Persocom, I mean," Seishiro clarified, forgetting that the Persocom hadn't given him a real answer about why he wanted to know why Sumeragi Subaru-kun had chosen to die.

"Unlike you, Sakurazuka-san, I can't really feel a thing, not even annoyance," the Persocom stated, then frowned.

The Persocom couldn't feel annoyance but it couldn't miss the ground trembling or the pull that the power of both Kamui had on whoever or whatever was involved in the battle for the end of the world.

The Persocom and Seishiro's gazes met.

"I'm on holiday, _'Subaru-kun'_," Seishiro informed him. "Whatever those two brats are doing doesn't concern me." The Persocom smiled at him.

"I'm sorry but I can't say the same. I hope you'll excuse me, Sakurazuka-san," it asked, bowing to him in an apology.

"Sure, _'Subaru-kun'_, sure" Seishiro replied, waving his hand lazily. "I guess we'll meet again tomorrow at the same hour?" The Persocom nodded and smiled at him again before hurrying away, towards Sunshine 60. Seishiro sighed. After all the Persocom wasn't that different from Subaru-kun, he mused annoyed. Subaru-kun also had tended to leave him alone due to his work. Life just wasn't fair. What should he do now? Without the Persocom to play with he was bored. No, not bored. Empty again. Why? He should be used to being alone and instead...

It was then that he felt it again and he rose immediately in surprise. The sensation vanished as soon as it came but he was sure he had felt it.

That spell... that spell he had put on Subaru-kun...

He tried to get it to answer back to him but his request was met with silence.

He frowned, then decided that it didn't matter. If what he had felt had been the real Subaru-kun's presence he knew where he could find the boy. Without wasting a single second he ran toward Sunshine 60.

* * *

When Seishiro got there, however, there was nothing to see anymore.

The Kekkai was fading. Subaru-kun... no, that was the Persocom, not Subaru-kun, was lying in Kamui-chan's arms, motionless, like a broken doll. The other Kamui was leaving, Nataku in tow. There was no track of the original Subaru-kun. He wasn't there. There were only Kamui-chan and the Persocom.

The Persocom.

The Persocom that looked like Subaru-kun.

So like Subaru-kun...

Lying there.

Broken.

Broken.

Motionless.

Motionless.

Dead.

Like Subaru-kun.

Subaru-kun...

They would never play together again.

Never... never... never...

Not that he cared, not that he cared, not that he...

Kamui-chan was crying, crying and apologizing and that was all he was doing. Crying and apologizing and holding Subaru-kun without doing anything useful because Subaru-kun was broken and Seishiro couldn't have his toy back.

He would be alone again and empty because Subaru-kun was broken, broken, broken, broken...

No.

That wouldn't happen again.

He refused to allow it to happen again.

"He won't fix himself just because you stay here crying over him!" he shouted at Kamui-chan after he had jumped next to him and ripped Subaru-kun's broken body from his arms. He was lighter than any normal Persocom, heavier than Subaru-kun would have been, but still quite light. One could almost delude oneself into thinking he was a real person, the real Subaru-kun, and not a Persocom. One could delude oneself if it hadn't been for a particular. The Chi no Ryu's Kamui had hit his right eye and, when Seishiro stared at his face, he could see the damaged mechanisms that had once replicated Subaru-kun's movements and expressions so perfectly.

Subaru-kun's right eye.

Destroyed as his had been.

He remembered the pain, the confusion around him, Subaru-kun just looking at him silently, saying nothing at all... The boy had apologized to him so profusely later, he had even cried, he had...

He pushed that memory to the back of his mind as he secured his hold around Subaru-kun.

Kamui-chan stared at him, blinking.

Seishiro didn't wait for him as he carried Subaru-kun away.

This time no one would rip his toy away from him.

**_No one._**

* * *

Later Seishiro had a quite unpleasant discussion with Kamui-chan while they were waiting for Subaru-kun to be... fixed. The boy was insisting that he should have some sort of attachment for Subaru-kun. When he pointed out that, to him, Subaru-kun was just a toy to play with, Kamui-chan informed him in a quite bratty tone that he was too old for playing with toys. Seishiro had been about to reply something, when Subaru-kun joined then. The boy looked well, except for his eye. It wasn't a human looking one anymore but the typical eye Persocoms have, a pupil-less green eye. It reminded Seishiro in an even more marked way that the boy wasn't Subaru-kun for real and yet... yet... it also reminded him of Subaru-kun a lot more than before. Why he had no idea.

"Shiro-san, Sakurazuka-san, I thank you for taking care of me," Subaru-kun said politely.

"Subaru... your eye..." Kamui-chan asked hesitantly.

"It's the standard Persocom model. The previous one was an original model made just for me. This one works just as fine," Subaru-kun explained carelessly.

"This is just temporal until they'll make you another then?" Kamui-chan insisted.

"There would be no reason to give me another custom-made eye. You know I've been built to function only for this year. Once I have fulfilled my program there would be no reason to keep me active," Subaru-kun reminded him. "I'm quite expensive, after all."

Seishiro frowned. Subaru-kun had never told him he was going to... to be around only until the end of the year.

It wasn't fair.

With whom was he supposed to play once Subaru-kun wouldn't be around anymore?

"You're my friend! This is a reason to keep you!" Kamui-chan exclaimed. Subaru-kun just smiled.

"That's really nice of you but you need to be friends with real people. You don't have to worry about me. I'm just a Persocom made to take the place of a dead Ten no Ryu for this year only," he replied with his usual careless attitude. Subaru-kun never cared much about himself, not before, not now.

"But Subaru..." Kamui protested. To Kamui Subaru was much more than _'just a Persocom'_. He didn't care if all that Subaru did was due to a program. To him Subaru was simply Subaru.

"I don't get how you could be so careless and let the Chi no Ryu's Kamui hit you, Subaru-kun," Seishiro said, annoyed. He had enough of Kamui-chan fussing over Subaru-kun.

"I'm very sorry I bothered you during your holiday, Sakurazuka-san, and I thank you for the help you've offered. However there was no need to worry. I told you, I can't feel any type of pain," Subaru-kun reminded him, smiling.

"I wasn't worried. I just hate to see your beauty marred like that. Why did you allow him to do this to you? Can you give me a single decent reason?" he asked, still quite annoyed at his own Kamui, gently caressing the boy's head and cheek. The skin was fine, it felt just like before but the eye... it almost looked blind... as blind as his...

"Subaru... Why did Fuma say that losing that eye was your Wish?" Kamui asked before Subaru could reply. Seishiro's eyes widened marginally. What was supposed to mean that? Why should Subaru-kun Wish to lose an eye, the same eye he lost? He could have understood **_his_** Subaru-kun Wishing for it, but this Subaru-kun... Why should he, could it be that he...

"Monou-san was wrong," Subaru-kun replied, smiling kindly as usual. "I can't have personal Wishes. I've been made to fulfil Sumeragi Subaru's duty, that's all."

"But you must have Wished for something to make him say that! And you didn't even try to move away when he aimed at your eye, you just..." Kamui trailed off, shuddering. It had been a disturbing show to watch Subaru kneeling on the floor as Fuma destroyed his eye.

"I'm sorry but I can't answer your question. The technicians said that part of my memory has been wiped away, likely due to the damage I underwent. I've got no recollections of the last moments of the fight," the boy explained, politely.

"It would have been a stupid idea to Wish to lose an eye! He could have damaged more than just it and a bit of your memory! And this would have probably worried Hokuto-chan to death!" Seishiro stated, not understanding why he was so angry. He couldn't remember being that angry in... ages.

"Hokuto-chan wouldn't worry. Its not like I'm her brother. She tried to think of me as such, but it only hurt her more in the end. I'm glad she stopped doing so," Subaru-kun affirmed. Seishiro wished he would stop reminding him he wasn't the original Subaru-kun. It wasn't as if he needed a reminder.

"Fine, fine, whatever, we'll go watch a movie tomorrow and you'll be paying, Subaru-kun," he told him in childish retaliation. Subaru-kun looked at him curiously.

"What?" Seishiro asked, still irritated. "You don't want to go?"

"No, I'll be happy to come to the cinema with you... if we find one open after the earthquake, that is ... it's just... you're saying my name differently from before now," he observed.

"Differently?" he asked suspiciously.

"Differently. Like you're more at ease with it. But maybe it's just my audio implant that's not perfectly working yet. I guess I should have it checked," the boy commented.

"You'd better," Seishiro replied, even if he knew the boy's ears worked just fine. He had no idea how but he had started getting used to calling him _'Subaru-kun'_. He wasn't sure that was a good thing.

* * *

**_'Minaretamachi sarigenaku arukeba / Tashika ni konome niwa utsuru / Mugure ninatte susumu hitonami ni / Umorete obieteru kokoro / Raison d'etre sonna fuu ni / Raison d'etre onajiyouni / Waratte shizunde nagarerunowa naze / Kagi wo sagashiterunda zutto sgashiterunda / Dokomade mienai? Sono door no kagi wo / Kotobayorimo daijina nanika ni / Kizukenai toki wa sugiteyuku / Aizu wo machi oshierarerumama / Sashishimesu vector ni mukau / Raison d'etre kyoumo sekai de / Raison d'etre shinjirerunowa / Kasukana hikari to kegarenaki shin no ai.'  
('The town where everyone sleeps/ If I walk with nothing on my mind, I can see it / Buried under the advancing crowd/ Is my trembling heart / Raison d'etre, in that way / Raison d'etre, in the same way / Smile, fall silent, why do my emotions sway/ I'm looking for a key, I've always been looking / I can't see it anywhere, where is the key to that door... / What's more important than words/ The time keeps passing and you can't realize it / Waiting for a sign to be taught like this / Facing the vector that was pointed out / Raison d'etre, in today's world too / Raison d'etre, I believe it / A faint light shining on a real love.')  
Rie Tanaka - "Raison D'Etre"_**

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. In **'Tokyo Babylon'** Seishiro said he became a veterinarian to redirect the Sakanagi toward the pets in his clinic.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
This story is only about Seishiro and Subaru, with cameo appearances from the other characters, so yes, I cut a lot out of **'X'** original story.  
As for Seishiro going out with Subaru... Subaru is programmed to stop him from destroying something. As long as Seishiro doesn't harm anything he's not an enemy for Subaru.  
In many fics I read that authors portray Seishiro as completely emotionless but actually in **'Tokyo Babylon'** Seishiro hadn't said he had no feelings, he just said he felt nothing for other humans. This doesn't stop him from feeling emotions or perceiving pain.  
Subaru, on the other hand, being a Persocom, doesn't have the same ability since to him everything is nothing else but data controlled by his program.  
Yes, I know, Seishiro in the beginning uses _'it'_ to talk about Subaru since to him a Persocom is an object. He moved to _'he'_ when he start to identify the Persocom with the previous Subaru-kun a bit too much.  
As for Subaru's eye... neither Fuma or Subaru are lying. Fuma fulfilled a Wish destroying the eye and a Persocom isn't allowed to have personal Wishes.  
Confusing?  
Oh well it will be explained later...

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-sama:** "Lord" or "Lady"  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakura:** "Cherry Tree" or "Cherry Blossom"  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Tankyasue**: I'm glad you like the idea I used for this and that you apprecciated how I characterized the characters. I wanted to avoid to go OOC but, after what had happened in the prologue, I couldn't picture a happy Hokuto. The Subaru Persocom was difficult to handle since he's just an artificial copy of Subaru...

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	4. Chap 3: The Reason

**Title: "Raison D'Etre - Chap 3: The Reason"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), a bit of sappiness...  
**Notes:** Born to... hum... torture Hokuto and Seishiro? Explore the possibilities of Persocom usage in the **'X'** series? Well, that too but I was aiming at something else with this... What? You'll discover when it'll be finished...  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"**, **"X"** and **"Chobits"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:** To **Ruth** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _Fourteen people are involved in the battle for the end of the world... but if one is dead why not replace him with a Persocom?_

* * *

**_'Futari ga kitto deaeruyouna mahou wo kakete / ... / Imamade zutto ienaimama kakushitetano / Tsuyogatteru soredakenano mitsukedashite / Machiawasemade atogofun mattete/ Sonoatofutari koi ni occitano / ... / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / Dakishimetainoni / Dakishimetainoni.'  
('To make sure the two of us meet, I cast a spell / ... / Until now, unable to say it, I've just been hiding it / I'm only acting strong, that's all it is, please see through it / Just wait five more minutes until we can meet / And after that we fell in love / ... / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / I just want to hold you /I just want to hold you.')  
ROUND TABLE featuring Nino - "Let Me Be With You"_**

* * *

_**"I'm not a perfect person  
There are many things I wish I didn't do  
But I continue learning  
I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know **_

__

_**I'm sorry that I hurt you  
It's something I must live with everyday  
And all the pain I put you through  
I wish that I could take it all away  
And be the one who catches all your tears  
That's why I need you to hear **_

**_I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
And the reason is You."  
(Hoobastank - "The Reason")_**

**1999 August - Tokyo - Shibuya**

Tokyo was its usual noisy self that day. He usually didn't mind the noise, he had lived there too long to pay it more attention than necessary. Besides he had better things to think of than the noise of the city. His thoughts, however, were interrupted by a particular sound catching his attention.

"Is your job here done?" the annoying voice of a well-known teenager was asking him and he knew better than to try to ignore it.

"Yes. Do you have business in Shibuya?" he replied, turning toward his Kamui, careful not to show his annoyance. Seishiro couldn't forget the boy had almost torn apart Subaru-kun. He didn't care about Subaru-kun but it bugged him all the same.

"Since Nataku wasn't able to derail the Shibuya Yamanote line before, I came to give it a little push," Kamui explained as he ate an ice cream cone with gusto and a perfectly innocent look that shouldn't have belonged to a teenager who was talking about committing mass murder in such a friendly tone.

"I see," Seishiro replied. Not that he cared about the destruction of the Yamanote line either. In fact he was finding Kamui's ice cream cone a lot more interesting than the boy's motivations for being there.

"But you saved me a lot of trouble by staining that building with blood," Kamui informed him, continuing to talk with him carelessly as if they were best friends. Seishiro groaned mentally. He hadn't planned to help the brat and he didn't see why Kamui had to act more familiar towards him than **_his_** Subaru-kun used to do, than Subaru-kun did now. Not that he was thinking that the past Subaru-kun and the present one were one and the same, it was just...

The earthquake hit, interrupting Seishiro's thoughts. Loud screams and crumbling noises were heard as Shibuya started to break apart but that wasn't a problem for them. They were in a relatively safe zone. Seishiro only kept his eyes open just in case Subaru-kun was around. He really wanted to avoid having him damaged before their daily appointment.

"Want a bite? It's very good, chocolate chip," Kamui offered in the meantime. Seishiro eyed the cone again. How could that brat have known he had wanted it? Oh yes, he could see people's Wishes...

"No, thanks. I'm supposed to eat one with someone else in a while," he replied. He should also go home to change. Subaru-kun gave him such disapproving glances every time he realized he'd done a job...

"You're too wrapped up in that Persocom," Kamui stated. "Do you realize that it's not the real Sumeragi Subaru and there's no way to turn it into him?"

"I know this quite well," Seishiro assured him. "I'm not interested in turning him into the old Subaru-kun. That boy was too serious and devoted to his duties and he got depressed too easily." Not that the new one was that different. He simply couldn't get depressed but was serious and devoted to his duties all the same and he hadn't really minded that much when the previous Subaru-kun got depressed... "You shouldn't have hurt him," he continued.

"You're still holding that against me. It was your Subaru-kun's Wish. You should learn to respect other people's Wishes, especially considering you have one totally impossible to fulfil," Kamui replied.

"I've always been a bit of an ambitious boy," Seishiro replied, smiling cheerfully while thinking of how nice Tokyo would look with Kamui's insides placed at strategic points of the city. Normally that was his way to deal with people who stuck their noses into his business but to use it with the Chi no Ryu's Kamui was, sadly, completely out of question...

"You should be careful. Your Subaru-kun has a Wish too, you know," Kamui warned him.

"Another one?" Seishiro asked carelessly while he tried to guess what it could be. "Subaru-kun said he can't have wishes. It's against his program or something," Seishiro pointed out. Kamui grinned widely.

"I know everything about your Persocom and what it can and can't do. The Wish still exists. A Wish only you can fulfil. But your Persocom is not aware of it. Well... I guess I'll see you around," and saying so, Kamui waved and left. Seishiro watched him jumping away in typical Chi no Ryu style wishing there was an instruction book about how to deal with Kamui. That teenager was a riddle to him, one he couldn't solve. He also wished the boy wouldn't and couldn't meddle with other people's Wishes, especially his. But most of all he Wished to know Subaru-kun's Wish. And what was it supposed to mean that he could fulfil it but Subaru-kun didn't know about it? Oh well... he guessed he'd found an interesting topic for his daily chat with Subaru-kun...(1)

* * *

"What is your Wish, Subaru-kun?" he asked, once they were settled on another bench. Subaru-kun was feeding ducks this time.

"My Wish, Sakurazuka-san?" the boy repeated. Seishiro nodded.

"Your Wish. Kamui, the Chi no Ryu's Kamui, said you have one. Aren't you going to tell me what it is, Subaru-kun?" Seishiro insisted.

"Your Kamui is wrong. It's not part of my program to have personal Wishes," the boy assured him.

"Can't you stop talking like that? You make me feel like I'm talking with a chair!" he said, exasperated. Subaru-kun kept referring to himself as a Persocom. While it was true that he was, in fact, a Persocom he didn't need to stress it every chance he got.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to annoy you, Sakurazuka-san," the boy replied politely. "I'll avoid doing it in front of you from now on," he said with a bright smile.

"No, never mind, it's okay, I don't care," Seishiro replied. He didn't. After all it wasn't like he saw the boy as something more than a chair. He wasn't really alive. Subaru-kun had been the one who had been alive and he had told to Subaru-kun that he was like a glass cup to him, so...

"Sakurazuka-san, I'm not the real Sumeragi Subaru-san," the boy said softly to him. "Just a copy made to replace him for this year. One of the reasons why I can come out with you is that you don't care about him or me. If you did... Hokuto-chan suffered a lot when she tried to replace her brother with me. I don't want to see anyone else doing the same." Seishiro could feel the same concern, the same kindness Subaru-kun had possessed in his voice. He knew it was a simulation, he was a master of Maboroshi after all, but it was just so perfect, he... Damn it, Hokuto-chan had done her work too well. He didn't know if to praise her or strangle her.

"Don't worry, Subaru-kun. I can't care for people, you know that," he assured him dismissively.

"You can, Sakurazuka-san. You can because you're human. If you couldn't, you would be like me. I'm glad you aren't. I'm glad whatever you feel is yours and not simply generated by a program. One day you'll find a Special person that'll be your reason to live and you'll be very happy, trust me!" Subaru-kun said naively. Seishiro stared, then laughed.

"I don't think that's possible, Subaru-kun," he replied. "And even if it could be, that person would despise me for what I am and what I do. And, on top of this, my family tradition requires I let this person kill me and become the next Sakurazukamori, so you can see I have plenty of reasons to doubt your words," he explained. Subaru-kun smiled at him.

"Humans can't be happy when they are alone. I can't keep Hokuto-chan company anymore because my presence hurts her and soon I won't be able to keep you company either. That's why I hope you will both find someone. To be happy. To not be alone," he explained. Seishiro decided he could have done without the mention of the fact the boy wouldn't last for long.

"I assure you I don't need company. I hope you aren't overvaluing your existence just because I'm talking to you," he stated coldly. He didn't need Subaru-kun around, really. He simply always hung around him because... because his life was empty without him, but that didn't qualify as a need. He could deal with an empty life. He had done so for eight years.

"No, don't worry. I told you, I'm glad to be nothing to you," Subaru-kun assured him. Seishiro wasn't glad the boy was glad. It made him feel ignored and yet he knew it wasn't the boy's fault.

Things, however, didn't change between them. They wouldn't, couldn't.

Because he was Sakurazuka Seishiro, but the boy wasn't Sumeragi Subaru.

* * *

Kamui, the Chi no Ryu's Kamui, brought the topic of Subaru-kun's wish up again a month later. Seishiro was trying to enjoy his dinner in one of the few good restaurant still standing in Tokyo, finding it completely unfair he couldn't invite Subaru-kun there because he didn't eat when Kamui showed up and invited himself to his table. Seishiro pretended he was delighted to share the dinner with him. Honestly he was anything but it but he was a good poker player. Not that it worked with Kamui but Seishiro didn't particularly care.

"Did you discover your Subaru-kun's Wish?" the boy asked after some innocent chatting.

"Subaru-kun has no wishes," he informed the teenager, smiling amiably.

"So your Persocom doesn't know yet, does it? But your Subaru-kun has a wish and according to Kakyou his Wish will be fulfilled tonight," Kamui informed him, smiling as well. Seishiro frowned.

"He has no wishes. He wouldn't lie to me. And you'd better stay away from him."

"I won't do anything to your Persocom that your Subaru-kun doesn't wish me to do," Kamui said in an almost... flirting manner. Seishiro absently decided to make a top ten list of the ways he'd like to use to disassemble Kamui. Kamui's grin widened. Evidently, if the boy had read his Wish, he wasn't troubled by it. "Anyway, if you're so worried, you could ask his sister. She knows and once you also know you can ask him to change his mind. Maybe he'll do it for you," the teenager offered.

"I'm not worried," he stated. Sakurazuka Seishiro didn't worry, thank you very much. Kamui seemed to consider his answer.

"Denial doesn't really help, you know? It's just a palliative, like going within," he replied in a tone that seemed to imply he was the adult and Seishiro the child.

"Is this the voice of experience?" Seishiro asked in a polite tone, deciding he would get his dessert elsewhere. He would like to savour it and somehow he doubted he could manage to do so with Kamui around.

"It's the voice of Kamui," Kamui replied in what Seishiro had labelled as his _'I'm a Kami-sama'_ tone. Teenagers. Why couldn't they all be like Subaru-kun had been? Why did they always believe they knew everything? And why did this one have to have the power to match such an assumption?

* * *

Seishiro found himself on his way toward Hokuto-chan's home a short while later. He hadn't meant to take Kamui's comments seriously but... well, paying Hokuto-chan a visit couldn't hurt, could it?(2)

Hokuto-chan was in her house, sitting in the middle of what looked like a disaster area. Seishiro knew that once she had loved to sew clothes but now she was sitting in the middle of all the material she needed to do it, looking at it angrily as if it was its fault if she couldn't create clothes anymore.

Seishiro couldn't know but the Subaru Persocom had come by to visit her earlier.

He did so regularly, trying to be as unobtrusive as he could, knowing that his presence hurt her, but also that she needed someone to look after her, exactly as the original Subaru would have done had he seen her in such a state.

A side of Hokuto wished he would stop doing so because it only made things more painful. Another side of her wished he would never stop because it was her only chance to see her Subaru again even if she knew it was an illusion.

It was unbelievable how the situation had been reversed.

Before, she had been the one who took care of Subaru, now she was the one who needed to be taken care of. She hadn't realized how much she needed someone to take care of, how Subaru's weakness had made her strong and now that Subaru wasn't around anymore she was falling to pieces.

She deliberately ignored Sei-chan's greetings or his comments about the state of her house. The man couldn't hurt her anymore. Nothing could hurt her anymore now that she had lost Subaru.

"Kamui said that Subaru-kun has a Wish," Seishiro said in the end, when nothing else seemed to get a response from her. "He said you know what it is." The mention of Subaru irked her.

"Of course Subaru had a Wish. He died to fulfil it," she replied bitterly, glaring at him and trying to convey with the glare the message that she considered him responsible for it.

"I think he means the new Subaru-kun, Hokuto-chan," Seishiro pointed out in a tactful tone. No need to get Hokuto-chan angry with him, at least not until she had told him what he wanted to know.

"Persocoms have no Wishes, Sei-chan. Everything they do is due to their programming. Everything they seem to feel is due to their programming. He can't have a Wish. He's not Subaru. Subaru's dead," she repeated again, her tone growing emptier at each sentence. Seishiro wished she didn't feel the need to keep underlining that Subaru was dead. He knew already so why was everyone feeling the need to remind him?

"Any idea about why Kamui said he can have Wishes? Kamui also said you know Subaru-kun's Wish," he insisted stubbornly.

"I know Subaru's Wish. It's what killed him. This Subaru can't have Wishes. Mihara-san explained it to me very clearly.(3) No Wishes, no feelings, no love or care. Nothing. I must never delude me to the contrary," she replied more to herself than to Seishiro. He was ready to bet she had done it, she had deluded herself and now was regretting it. Seishiro assumed that the Mihara-san she was talking about was Mihara Ichiro-san, owner of the Piffle Princess and inventor of the Persocom. If that guy had said so he should be right and yet... something was wrong... or missing... The words he had heard in one of his mother's lessons about the Ten no Ryu came back to his mind.

* * *

_'... Be called Ten no Ryu or Nanatsu no Fuu. Their main characteristic will be the ability create a Kekkai, a parallel dimension in which...'_

* * *

Seishiro frowned, trying to remember his mother's words exactly.

* * *

_'... They can create a Kekkai just by thinking of their loved one...' _

_'Kaasan, what if they haven't got a loved one?' _

_'They must have one, Seishiro. As the Chi no Ryu must not have bonds, the Ten no Ryu must have such a tight bond with a person they can't let it go. They must have a loved one to create a Kekkai...'_

* * *

But if to love someone was a fundamental prerequisite to creating a Kekkai, if it wasn't generated just by a spell, how could a Persocom create one? How could this Subaru-kun still be able to create one if he couldn't truly love?

"Hokuto-chan... what exactly did your grandmother do to Subaru-kun to make him capable of using Onmyoudo spells?" he asked as a weird feeling started slipping into his being, a feeling very close to dread.

* * *

_'Subaru-kun has no wishes.' _

_'So your Persocom doesn't know yet, does it? But your Subaru-kun has a wish and according to Kakyou his Wish will be fulfilled tonight.'_

* * *

Why had Kamui alternatively called Subaru-kun, _'his Subaru-kun'_ and _'his Persocom'_? There wasn't a difference between the two of them, was there? Why alternate the use of _'he'_ and _'it'_ to talk about him? Why?

* * *

_'Of course Subaru had a Wish. He died to fulfil it.' _

_'I think he means the new Subaru-kun, Hokuto-chan.' _

_'Persocoms have no Wishes, Sei-chan.'_

* * *

What if Kamui hadn't been talking about the new Subaru-kun? What if he...

"I've no idea, Sei-chan. Does it matter?" Hokuto replied distracted. She couldn't understand his sudden interest for it and she didn't care.

"The main characteristic of the Ten no Ryu is the ability to create a Kekkai. Creating a Kekkai doesn't require a spell. The Ten no Ryu must have a Special Person to be capable of creating a Kekkai. If Subaru-kun is unable to have a Special Person how can he still create a Kekkai?" he asked tonelessly. It was so obvious. Why hadn't he thought of it sooner? Why hadn't he realized what those flickers of that old spell had meant? Kamui had practically thrown the truth in his face and he still had failed to notice it. Hokuto-chan's eyes widened as she came to the same conclusion.

"Obaasan couldn't have done it! It's one thing to give a Persocom the capacity to use Onmyoujutsu, another to trap a soul inside it, forcing it to stay in the living world!" she exclaimed immediately.

She wouldn't! She couldn't! She knew how horrible it was for a soul to be trapped in the living world! She wouldn't have done it! Not to Subaru! Besides Subaru was stronger than her; he wouldn't have let her trap him! She just... couldn't have done it... could she? And Subaru... he wouldn't have... let her... would he?

"Kamui said Subaru-kun's Wish will be fulfilled tonight. Hokuto-chan, what exactly does Subaru-kun Wish for?" Seishiro asked again. He had a bad feeling about this. The first time Subaru-kun's Wish had caused the boy's death... what could it do now?

Hokuto hesitated, then looked up at him. There was no point anymore in keeping it secret.

"He... he wanted to protect you. Obaasan told him he would have to fight you because you two would be on opposite sides in the battle for the end of the world and he wanted... he wanted to protect you from himself... he... you were his Special Person and he... Why did you do that to him, Sei-chan? He wasn't good at realizing it, at admitting it but he loved you so much..." she whimpered, reliving the pain she had felt that day. Seishiro didn't bother to answer her as he sensed _'it'_ again. The spell he had placed on Subaru-kun. Flickering for the short time that the boy needed to raise a Kekkai. A Kekkai over Rainbow Bridge.

* * *

_'I won't do anything to your Persocom that your Subaru-kun doesn't wish me to do.'_

* * *

Kamui. Kamui should be there as well and Subaru-kun... He had no chance against him.

He saw him lying unmoving as he had done when he had released him from his Maboroshi in the hospital, he saw him lying unmoving as he had done on Sunshine 60 when Kamui...

No.

Whatever Subaru-kun's Wish was it wouldn't be fulfilled that night.

He would see to it.

* * *

The bridge was big, especially compared to his opponent's small form. The Chi no Ryu's Kamui didn't care much. The Sakurazukamori would be there soon but still too late to do anything. It was all his fault, really. If he had stopped Wishing for that Persocom to magically become a living, breathing Sumeragi Subaru he would have realized something far more interesting. He would have realized that the soul of the one he longed to see so much was tied to that artificial body. He hadn't and that was why the Persocom was going to get his Wish fulfilled and the Sakuruzukamori wasn't. Oh well, life was unfair like that and Kamui didn't really care.

The Persocom looked at him but it wasn't his usual expression made to duplicate Sumeragi Subaru's one. That expression was the original that Sumeragi Subaru would have had in that situation and that was completely alien to the Persocom. A mix of sadness, bitterness, regret and determination, all things that the Persocom couldn't feel but with which Sumeragi Subaru was very familiar with.

"You know the truth," the real Subaru stated. Kamui nodded.

"The Ten no Ryu's YumeMi sent you here to die, Subaru-kun. To die for the Sakurazukamori. She manipulated your Wish to protect him to bring you to self destruction," Kamui reported. "At first she didn't want you to be able to save Kamui when he went within. You managed to save him anyway and now she contents herself with getting rid of you." Subaru smiled softly, a smile full of sadness and yet very gentle.

"My life doesn't matter to Seishiro-san and therefore it doesn't matter to me either. I'm sorry this has caused Hokuto-chan pain but..." But Seishiro-san's well-being was simply more important. "Hinoto Hime told me, she told me while I was Within that I was destined to kill Seishiro-san if I were to awake and to cause Hokuto-chan's death if I were to stay inside myself. I didn't understand how at first but then Obaasan came and explained to me what Seishiro-san and I were destined to be. I thought that killing myself would protect him and Hokuto-chan both but Obaasan couldn't give up on me. She needed someone to represent the Sumeragi Ichimon in this battle. It was her duty to find that person and she always fulfilled all her duties, no matter the cost."

"So she bonded your spirit to a machine," Kamui finished for him. "Isn't it painful to be still bonded to the living world?" he asked curiously. It should be. It should shred his mind, drag him to insanity and yet... that spirit seemed mentally sane, as mentally sane as one can be when he is planning to die to save another.

"Not more than hearing Seishiro-san's words that day. In this year... I've been happy again. I've been able to look upon the people I cared for again. Even if it wasn't really me doing it. Even if I was a mere observer. Don't blame Obaasan, I let her do this. She would have found a way to make this work, with or without my help. This way I can control the Persocom, when needed. He possesses my powers but when he uses them I can possess him. I can make sure he would never be a threat for Seishiro-san," the boy stated quietly. It felt good to talk again with someone else for once, not just being forced to watch everything silently while the Persocom acted, following his program in an imitation of what he would have done.

"So, if you've been happy why do you still Wish for self destruction?" Kamui insisted.

"You should know. Someone must fall tonight. It's better if it's someone who's already dead and... the Persocom's presence, my presence isn't helping Hokuto-chan or Seishiro-san. It keeps them bound to my memory. They'll be better off without him, without me," the spirit stated, his gaze still sad but determinate.

"Do you really think so? You have no idea of what they truly Wish..." Kamui reproached him. Subaru studied him, taking his words into serious consideration.

"Maybe I haven't. Does it matter? I'm dead already and this _'body'_ won't last for long anyway. At least someone else will. It's all I can do for them."

Kamui shrugged. It didn't particularly matter to him.

"If you Wish so..." the boy replied. Subaru nodded.

"Please. Tell Seishiro-san and Hokuto-chan to be happy. To find someone Special and be happy. They deserve happiness. They made me happier than I could describe," the spirit said.

"I will," Kamui promised.

"I'll leave you to your battle then," the boy stated, smiling at him and, a second later, there was only the Persocom facing Kamui. And the Persocom stood no chance against Kamui. No one stood any chance against Kamui. Not that it mattered to him. Sumeragi Subaru Wished the Persocom to be destroyed and Kamui would fulfil that Wish.

* * *

When Seishiro reached Rainbow Bridge the Kekkai was slowly fading. Kamui wasn't in his best condition but he was still standing. Subaru-kun on the other hand... Subaru-kun was a broken mess lying on the concrete. Seishiro stopped running when he saw Subaru-kun lying there and walked slowly toward him, his steps hesitant as he swayed slightly feeling like... like he was drunk. No, drunk wasn't right. He felt empty. Empty as he had been before finding Subaru-kun and he didn't want that. He didn't want that. Something inside him reacted and he forced his body to hurry. He reached Subaru-kun and took him into his arms, turning him so he could look at his face. Subaru-kun didn't react or attempt to move. His eyes were closed and his body... Seishiro would like to say it was seriously injured but the correct word was _'damaged'_. There was no blood on him but the artificial skin had been ripped away at some points, revealing circuits and mechanisms under it.

"Subaru-kun?" he called hesitantly, almost numbly. Kamui walked closer to them and he protectively tightened his hold on the boy. "Why?" he asked and it sounded like a desperate cry.

"To keep you safe, to make you happy," the teenager replied, sounding disinterested. "He had been told that, had he lived, you would have been the one to die. To protect you he chose to die. Twice. But he hadn't understood, had he? You wanted him to kill you, you wanted him to kill you because he was the only one who could make you happy but you couldn't have him. You wouldn't allow yourself to have him and so you would have allowed him to kill you and put an end to your life without him. But you didn't tell him that and he didn't understand and so he wasted his life away for someone who couldn't appreciate his sacrifice."

Seishiro stared at him numbly. Kamui's words couldn't be true. He... so he had hesitated when he could have killed Subaru-kun in his Maboroshi but that didn't mean anything, it couldn't mean anything like the emptiness he felt when Subaru-kun wasn't around couldn't mean anything. He was the Sakurazukamori, after all. He had never felt an emotional attachment to any living being. He...

"Seishiro-san..." a very familiar voice called weakly and he lowered his gaze to meet mismatched green eyes looking up at him in a mix of sadness and worry in an expression that had belonged only to the original Subaru-kun. The original Subaru-kun... His suspicions had been right, they had tied the boy's spirit to the Persocom, that was why sometimes he could feel the spell he had placed to Subaru-kun react. The spell tied their souls together. Subaru-kun's body had been long dead but the boy's spirit was still around and any time he used his power the spell reacted.

"Subaru-kun... what have they done to you?" To tie a soul to the living world... it was considered a torture of the worst kind. It always ended up destroying the soul after dragging it into madness and endless pain. How had Subaru-kun managed to hold on for so long?

"Leave this place," the boy whispered. "The Kekkai... the Persocom no longer has the strength to use my powers. He's too damaged. The bridge will fall..." Slowly, weakly, an artificial arm was raised and damaged fingertips brushed Seishiro's cheek in a gentle caress, in a manner that only Subaru-kun had and now that he was facing the original Subaru-kun acting Seishiro couldn't understand how had he let himself be fooled by a copy. His Subaru-kun... his beautiful, perfect, shy, kind, Subaru-kun... Seishiro trapped that small hand into his and pressed it against his cheek refusing to let it go.

"Live, Seishiro-san. Find someone who'll be Special for you and be happy... as happy as you made me... please, be happy..." Subaru-kun managed to say before the Persocom burned up the last of its e remaining energy and shut down definitively, going limp in Seishiro's embrace. Subaru-kun's soul seemed gone as well. How much energy should it have cost him to possess the broken Persocom? Seishiro had no idea and just stared at Subaru-kun without understanding. What had just happened wasn't supposed to hurt so why did it?

* * *

_'Humans can't be happy when they are alone. I can't keep Hokuto-chan company anymore because my presence hurts her and soon I won't be able to keep you company either. That's why I hope you will both find someone. To be happy. To not be alone.'_

* * *

Had it been the Persocom talking to him or Subaru-kun? He didn't know, he didn't understand. He stared mournfully at the broken Persocom in the same way a child would stare to his favourite Teddy Bear after it had been broken. The child knows it's just a Teddy Bear but he also knows that his Teddy Bear is much more than a simple object for him...

And like a child he clung to his Subaru-kun, not knowing what to do, how to fix him. Absently he heard voices, the voice of the Ten no Ryu's Kamui and his team mates but he cut them out.(4) His Kamui stared at him with an expression close to pity.

"So, what are you going to do, Sakurazukamori? Will you fulfil his Wish and try to live and be happy, or yours and let his death kill you?" the teenager asked him. "Because if you remain here too long that's exactly what will happen. The Bridge will fall and you will fall with it. Its structure is already starting to crumble"

Seishiro just clung to Subaru-kun tighter, refusing to let him go. He couldn't let him go.

* * *

_'Don't worry, Subaru-kun. I can't care for people, you know that.' _

_'You can, Sakurazuka-san. You can because you're human. If you couldn't, you would be like me. I'm glad you aren't. I'm glad whatever you feel is yours and not simply generated by a program. One day you'll find a Special person that'll be your reason to live and you'll be very happy, trust me!' _

_'I don't think that's possible, Subaru-kun. And even if it could be, that person would despise me for what I am and what I do. And, on top of this, my family tradition requires I let this person kill me and become the next Sakurazukamori, so you can see I have plenty of reasons to doubt your words.' _

_'Humans can't be happy when they are alone. I can't keep Hokuto-chan company anymore because my presence hurts her and soon I won't be able to keep you company either. That's why I hope you will both find someone. To be happy. To not be alone.'_

* * *

As the Bridge started to crack loudly under them Seishiro knew what his choice was going to be.

* * *

**_'Minaretamachi sarigenaku arukeba / Tashika ni konome niwa utsuru / Mugure ninatte susumu hitonami ni / Umorete obieteru kokoro / Raison d'etre sonna fuu ni / Raison d'etre onajiyouni / Waratte shizunde nagarerunowa naze / Kagi wo sagashiterunda zutto sgashiterunda / Dokomade mienai? Sono door no kagi wo / Kotobayorimo daijina nanika ni / Kizukenai toki wa sugiteyuku / Aizu wo machi oshierarerumama / Sashishimesu vector ni mukau / Raison d'etre kyoumo sekai de / Raison d'etre shinjirerunowa / Kasukana hikari to kegarenaki shin no ai.'  
('The town where everyone sleeps/ If I walk with nothing on my mind, I can see it / Buried under the advancing crowd/ Is my trembling heart / Raison d'etre, in that way / Raison d'etre, in the same way / Smile, fall silent, why do my emotions sway/ I'm looking for a key, I've always been looking / I can't see it anywhere, where is the key to that door... / What's more important than words/ The time keeps passing and you can't realize it / Waiting for a sign to be taught like this / Facing the vector that was pointed out / Raison d'etre, in today's world too / Raison d'etre, I believe it / A faint light shining on a real love.')  
Rie Tanaka - "Raison D'Etre"_**

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. This is, with some light differences, what also happened in Vol. 14 of the **'X'** manga.

2. I know, I know, Satsuki caused an earthquake in Shinjuku. I'm assuming that Hokuto-chan's house was in a part of Shinjuku that wasn't destroyed by it. After all, the Chi no Ryu's Headquarter is also in Shinjuku and wasn't destroyed, was it?

3. Mihara Ichiro is a character from **'Kido Tenshi Angelic Layer'** and **'Chobits'**, the creator of the Angelic Layer and of the Persocom. I assume he's the one who assembled the Subaru Persocom.

4. In the manga only Kamui and Arashi go to Rainbow Bridge and they arrive sooner. Here things went slightly different and since it was Kamui vs. Subaru and not Seishiro vs. Subaru Yuzuriha and Sorata also went there.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
**Warning: This note contains spoilers for the end of 'Chobits'.**  
When I read **'Chobits'** I was quite annoyed by the ending. After making me sympathise with Chii and all the other Persocom they flatly told me that their feelings didn't exist and therefore there was no reason to sympathise with them which might have been still fine for me if it wasn't for the weird fact that Chii's sister self destructed because she couldn't bear her feelings.  
Why make her destroy herself for something that doesn't exist?  
Why try to make readers sympathise with Chii's sadness and happiness if she can't actually feel any of the two things?  
If she has no feelings she can't find happiness, the only one who can have it is Mototsuwa. She can't even love him or choose him since her program controls everything and her program is something that Mihara Ichiro created not that she chooses.  
I didn't like this but well... that's just my opinion.  
**End of the spoiler.**  
Anyway, due to my disappointment for **'Chobits'**'s ending I decided that the Persocom in this story wouldn't have feelings and therefore he wouldn't get sympathy from the characters even if some of them uses _'he'_ to talk about him (I do that too...). So this brings me to the original Subaru, whose spirit is tied to the Persocom one. Since the Persocom can't feel, and you need to feel to create a Kekkai, I needed someone who could. Just to make things clear Subaru however wasn't the one who got out on dates with Seishiro. That was the Persocom and Subaru merely witnessed the Persocom's action. He however possessed the Persocom previously, a time in chapter one when he smiles after fighting with Seishiro and another time when Kamui destroyed his eye. He did it twice in this chapter, the first time because he wanted to talk with Kamui, the second because he wanted to save Seishiro who would have died if he kept remaining on the bridge.  
Why didn't he possess the Persocom all the time? He didn't want to and it wasn't so easy to do so in the first place. Possession required him lot of energy. It would have damaged or weakened him to the point of making him helpless to act when needed.  
Of course Kamui sensed his presence and that's why when he talks he sometimes refers to Subaru and sometimes to the Persocom.  
Seishiro and Hokuto hadn't sensed it because such thing was unbelievable for them. The Sumeragi normally exorcised spirits, it was against to their policy to tie one to the living world.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-sama:** "Lord" or "Lady"  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Hime:** Princess  
**Ichimon:** "Family" or "Household" or "Clan"  
**Kaasan:** Mother  
**Kami:** God  
**Kamui:** "The One Who Represents The Power Of God" or "The One Who Hunts The Power Of God"  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Nanatsu no Fuu:** Seven Seals  
**Obaasan:** "Grandmother" or "Old Woman"  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven  
**YumeMi:** "Dreamgazer". Who can see the future in dreams

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Itsumo Hitori**: I'm glad you find this interesting! Here is the new chapter!

To **Schnickledooger**: (snikers) Well... Seishiro has no idea how to rewire a Persocom but... As you can see in this chapter real Subaru wasn't trying to come back just to keep an eye on things... I'm so evil to him...

To **Jieun**: Well, for the Sumeragi it was merely a pratical choice to keep him active only for a year... but I find it deliciously ironic when it involves Seishiro... who remained around Subaru only for a year...

To **TintAngel**: I'm sorry, I know I'm being evil to Subaru... I hope you will like the ending anyway...

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	5. Epilogue

**Title: "Raison D'Etre - Epilogue"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), a bit of sappiness...  
**Notes:** Born to... hum... torture Hokuto and Seishiro? Explore the possibilities of Persocom usage in the **'X'** series? Well, that too but I was aiming at something else with this... What? You'll discover when it'll be finished...  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"**, **"X"** and **"Chobits"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:** To **Ruth** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _Fourteen people are involved in the battle for the end of the world... but if one is dead why not replace him with a Persocom?_

* * *

**_'Futari ga kitto deaeruyouna mahou wo kakete / ... / Imamade zutto ienaimama kakushitetano / Tsuyogatteru soredakenano mitsukedashite / Machiawasemade atogofun mattete/ Sonoatofutari koi ni occitano / ... / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / Dakishimetainoni / Dakishimetainoni.'  
('To make sure the two of us meet, I cast a spell / ... / Until now, unable to say it, I've just been hiding it / I'm only acting strong, that's all it is, please see through it / Just wait five more minutes until we can meet / And after that we fell in love / ... / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / I just want to hold you /I just want to hold you.')  
ROUND TABLE featuring Nino - "Let Me Be With You"_**

* * *

**1999 August - Tokyo - Shinjuku - Tokyo Government Office**

That damned place was cold. He was sure Subaru-kun didn't mind it, considering the state he was in, but Seishiro would have liked to have a warmer coat. Why should the Chi no Ryu's Headquarter be even colder than Tokyo's autumn night?(1)

Some more annoying electrical sounds reminded him why.

Beast, Satsuki-chan's lovely pet. Actually her pet wouldn't have minded being her owner instead. Seishiro had always been good at recognizing possessiveness and he wouldn't have liked to be in Kigai's place. The giant computer seemed willing to try and shred him into pieces every time he moved close to Satsuki-chan, even if it never actually tried anything against the man. Not that Seishiro cared about Kigai, Satsuki-chan or her jealous pet. The only thing he cared for was lying perfectly still on the table.

"Aren't you done yet, Satsuki-chan?" he asked, clearly bored, for the nth time.

Satsuki-chan wrinkled her nose and glared at him through her glasses.

"If you're unsatisfied with my speed, Sakurazuka-san, you can go bug some amateur and have a hurried but sloppy job," she stated coldly, apparently not intimidated by him at all.

"Come on, Satsuki-chan," Seishiro said in a conciliatory tone, knowing he would accomplish nothing without her help. "I thought you loved challenges. Don't you want to prove you're better than Mihara-san?" he teased.

Satsuki-chan huffed, then resumed her work, not dignifying him with an answer. Of course she wanted that, but she wasn't the type to admit it. Seishiro grinned and absently stroked Subaru-kun's cold hand with his thumb.

"Satsuki-chan, please, ignore him and hurry up. His Wish to have it back is so intense it's giving me a headache. I could feel it even while I was on the other side of the city," Kamui complained as he entered the room followed by Nataku.

"I'm so sorry to hear that, Kamui," Seishiro replied in an obviously insincere tone, voice dripping with sugar. In fact his mood seemed to improve at the news. "Take it philosophically. Maybe there's a greater lesson in your headache, maybe it's trying to teach you to not touch other people's toys," he added smugly.

"I did only what your Subaru-kun wished me to do and guess who caused him to have such Wish?" Kamui countered in a sarcastic tone. Seishiro glared. Before the two started arguing Yuto hurried to divert their attention by offering them cake, knowing fairly well that none of the two was the type to pass it up.

"Sakurazuka-san, my work would speed up considerably if you weren't constantly standing in my way, hovering over your Persocom like a vulture and clinging to it as if it was your personal Teddy Bear," Satsuki-chan pointed out when she found Seishiro in her way **_again_**, since he apparently couldn't let go of the Persocom, not even while he was eating. "And please keep that cake away from it. You don't want crumbs to get in its delicate circuits, do you?"

"Satsuki-chan, you're dealing with a possessed Persocom. We don't want to irritate the spirit of a powerful Onmyouji more than necessary, do we?" Seishiro replied in a patronizing tone, clearly implying he wasn't going to move no matter what.

"Aren't you another powerful Onmyouji? Shouldn't it be your duty to exorcise it?" the girl countered, adjusting the position of her glasses up on her nose again. Seishiro shrugged.

"Exorcisms are menial tasks below my dignity. I don't waste my time with them," he said carelessly, moving his hand so to have a better grip on Subaru-kun's one.

Satsuki gave him the _'I'm so not going to believe you'_ gaze but said nothing. She wouldn't sink so low as to argue with an adult who acted like a spoiled brat.

"That spirit is too weak right now to give us any trouble," Kamui pointed out, sticking his nose in other people's business as usual, making Seishiro wish he could rip it off. "He depleted almost all his resources on Rainbow Bridge to talk with a certain someone. I don't know if he'll manage to recover enough to do anything," the boy continued when it would have been better if he had kept his mouth shut.

"Maybe," Seishiro conceded graciously. "But the spirit is still here, still here with me and he feels what is going on around him and that is enough," he observed, smiling down at the Persocom in such a gentle way as the others had never seen him doing. "And I will allow no one to dare to harm him," he added in a cheerful, careless manner and yet it was impossible to miss the threat in his voice.

"Yes, the spirit is still there," Kamui agreed. "It was time you finally started feeling it."

"The spirit is **_mine_**. This time I won't let anyone take him away from me," Seishiro stated possessively. At that Satsuki-chan muttered some nonsense about men being insanely possessive over the weirdest things, then Kigai began chatting about something meaningless and Kamui went to sit on the throne he had stolen from Kanoe, Nataku in tow, as Seishiro resumed his vigil over his Subaru-kun. For a long while nothing else worth Seishiro's interest happened.

* * *

Hours later Satsuki-chan finally removed her glasses from her nose and tiredly rubbed the point on which their weight had rested. Seishiro's gaze turned on her, deep and intense, his expression clearly saying _'what are you wasting my time over now?'_.

"Stop glaring at me like that. My job is done and you will have your Persocom back. All I have to do is to activate it," the girl informed him.

"So is everything done?" he asked and there was an odd note in his voice as his hand moved to caress Subaru-kun's hair affectionately. Satsuki wasn't quite sure about it but he seemed... happy... as happy as she had never seen him.

"Everything is done. It won't be the same however. Its memory have been completely wiped out and I've been able to recover only the data regarding its personality and I still don't understand why you wanted its pain programs to be reinstalled. Actually I found it was a nice improvement that it wasn't allowed to show pain," Satsuki commented. Pain and sadness had no place in Satsuki's practical mind. They were a waste of time and energy.

"The Persocom can't really feel, its reactions are all program-induced so it doesn't really matter to it. You should know that better than any other," Sakurazuka-san reported, smiling softly at the Persocom and Satsuki was positive Sakurazuka-san had that expression only when he watched it and no one else. She observed the Persocom carefully but saw no in it reason to smile so tenderly. It was, after all, just a Persocom.

"I know. I still don't understand why," she insisted. Of course she knew the Persocom felt nothing. It, like Beast, was nothing else but a machine after all. She favoured computers over humans but this didn't mean she went so far as to say they had feelings. They just... were more amusing then humans.

"The Persocom can't feel sadness but Subaru-kun does," Sakurazuka-san explained. "I think it'll be more fairer if he is allowed to show it. Besides Subaru-kun was always very pretty when he was sad..." he observed looking almost... nostalgic...

Satsuki shrugged. She didn't care much about fairness or beauty but if this helped her to get the Sakurazukamori out of the place she wouldn't complain. Somehow, when he was present, having tea with Yuto-san wasn't the same.

"I'll activate him then," she stated. "You'd better let go of him for a moment if you don't want to experience an electroshock." Sakurazuka-san nodded and let go of the Persocom's hand for the first time from the moment when he had brought it here. His eyes... well, eye, didn't leave it. Satsuki had never seen a more intense gaze in her whole life. It made her feel oddly embarrassed, as if she was watching something intimate and so she was pretty glad when the activation process started and she had to concentrate on it only.

* * *

The sound of the slap echoed in the silent night of Tokyo, seeming even louder than actually it was.

"Hokuto-chan, is this any way to greet your brother-in-law?" Seishiro complained as he rubbed his now stinging cheek. He was sure that the girl had left the print of her five fingers on it. Who knew Hokuto-chan had all that strength in her?

"That was only an appetizer, mister! How dare you leave me without news for two days after our last talk?" she shouted and she almost would have looked as energetic as the old Hokuto-chan, hadn't it been for the marked black rings around her eyes and her distressed look. "Kamui-chan came here to tell me Subaru was on Rainbow Bridge when it crashed down and that **YOU** were with him. I thought you were dead! And, be sure of this, I'll kill you if you don't tell me that Subaru is fine! And why can't you enter through the door like any ordinary person? My balcony isn't your private entrance!"

"Hokuto-chan!" Seishiro exclaimed in a whining tone. "Give me some time to explain!"

"**YOU HAD TWO DAYS TO EXPLAIN! NOW...**" she froze in mid sentence as she noticed someone else behind Sei-chan, a small teenage hands clinging to Seishiro-chan's dark coat, green eyes peering up at her with an imploring expression and she felt her heart melt.

"Don't be mad at Seishiro-san, Ojousan, please. It was my fault if he couldn't come to visit you..." the boy said timidly, clinging to Sei-chan protectively as if believing Hokuto might really harm the man.

"Subaru?" she said hesitantly. The boy blinked, his puzzled expression so perfectly like Subaru's, so much more perfectly like Subaru's than the Persocom had ever been able to replicate that it made her heart hurt. She threw herself at him, hugging him, cuddling him, fussing over him and smothering him, crying and repeating his name over and over. Her Subaru, her Subaru...

The boy let her, even if he turned his confused gaze on Seishiro.

"This insane girl, Subaru-kun, is your twin sister, Hokuto-chan," Seishiro explained to him with a hint of amusement and fondness in his voice, his hand still rubbing his sore cheek. He'd need some ice to put on it. Maybe Subaru-kun might hold it in place for him...

Hokuto released Subaru and studied him carefully.

"Subaru... don't you remember me?" she asked. Subaru looked at her hesitantly as if he had no idea what she was talking about.

"According to Satsuki-chan part of his memory has been wiped away," Seishiro-chan informed her as he ruffled Subaru's hair affectionately. Subaru turned to him and smiled, that smile that had been reserved for Sei-chan only and that the Persocom previously hadn't know how to replicate that well, a smile in which love and longing mixed so perfectly...

"You... you did something to him, didn't you? He... he can be sad again now, can't he?" she realized and she wanted to hit Sei-chan again. She couldn't bear the idea Subaru might feel pain again.

"Hokuto-chan... Subaru-kun felt sad before too. He merely didn't show it," Sei-chan informed her. "His constant happiness was fake and therefore not really worth much."

Hokuto gazed straight at Subaru, at those mismatched green eyes that looked at her gently, yet apologetically as well, without really understanding her but sympathizing with her all the same.

"So he is in here then," she stated. "Obaasan... how could you? Subaru..." She didn't manage to end the sentence but she hugged him again as tightly as she could. Subaru let her.

"Sei-chan... you know we should let him go, don't you?" she forced herself to say. It wasn't a particularly appealing idea but she knew it would be better for Subaru... Spirits shouldn't dwell in the living world... Sei-chan however immediately ripped Subaru from her hold and wrapped his arms securely and protectively around him as if he feared Hokuto could steal the boy from him. Subaru leaned comfortably into that tight embrace, looking perfectly fine with the man's actions, even if there was something in his general attitude that seemed to imply a certain embarrassment and, had he been able to, Hokuto was sure he would have blushed.

"Subaru-kun will stay with me. That's what he Wishes, that's what I Wish and deep down that's what you Wish too," Seishiro-chan stated firmly. Subaru smiled up at him from his position in his arms and looked happy. The man turned to look at him and smiled fondly. They were such a nice picture... "He's mine. I won't let anyone else have him, not even Enma DaiOh(2)," Sei-chan added, nuzzling against Subaru.

"It took you all this time to realize it, Sei-chan?" Hokuto asked bitterly and for once she saw the man's eternally cheerful and careless mask drop a bit and she caught a glimpse of regret. It vanished before she could grasp it, leaving her only the fleeting impression of having seen it.

"Sometimes you have to lose something to understand its importance, don't you think so too, Subaru-kun?" Seishiro observed philosophically, snuggling against Subaru and causing him to giggle. Hokuto sighed. Thirty-four years old and he still had the maturity of a spoiled, little kid who was barely beginning to grasp the facts of life but acted as if he knew everything about it.

"I hope you've understood the importance of Subaru all in one go because I really don't want to have to keep you company as you study this lesson all over again," she pointed out in a warning tone. However it was hard to stay angry at Sei-chan when he was busy snuggling up against her brother in such a cute manner...

"I've learned. I've really learned," he assured her. "I studied my lesson in details, carefully and I also underwent a test on it so I think I'm happy with what I know and that I'll do everything to never, never have to study that particular topic again... I don't want to study this topic ever again..."

"Promise me you'll take good care of yourself and Subaru..." she asked in a worried tone and, for once, he thought that maybe Hokuto-chan had cared for him too and not only for Subaru-kun.

"I will," he stated firmly, before bending down to kiss the head of the boy in his arms, causing him to giggle again and cover his face with his hands as if embarrassed.

"That's good," Hokuto agreed. "So what are you two planning to do? Surely you don't plan to involve my brother in this silly battle for the end of the world, do you, Sei-chan?" she asked and there was a hint of threat in her voice.

"I'm not even considering it. You know I don't care about the outcome of this battle, Hokuto-chan. Me and Subaru-kun... we'll merely hang around and enjoy the world for as long as it lasts," he explained.

"Seishiro-san said he wants to sample all the bakeries and restaurants that are still standing before it'll be too late," Subaru supplied helpfully, smiling at her and looking as if he was truly happy.

"Sei-chan! You and your sweet tooth!" Hokuto huffed. Seishiro laughed and she laughed as well as they hadn't been capable to do after the real Subaru's death. Subaru had no idea why they were laughing but they seemed happy and he was sure that was good. Inside him the weak spark of a spirit that should have left the mortal realm long ago and that was still stubbornly clinging to it with all he had, felt it and smiled as well in contentment. His two most special persons were finally happy and he was with them as well. As far as he was involved he had fulfilled his reason for being and saved his world, a world made only by Seishiro-san and Hokuto-chan. As far as he was involved when he was next to them he was exactly in the place where he should be. He was in his Heaven and he would never let it go.

* * *

**_"Nee ATASHI o mitsukete / Soshite yonde KOKORO de / Donna ni hanareta toshite mo kikoeru kara Hey / ... / Nee ANATA o mitsukete / Soshite nido to wasurezu / Donna ni mune ga itakutemo soba ni iru no / Tsunaida te o /Hanasanai kara / Nee ATASHI ga ANATA o mitsukete / Soshite nido to wasurezu / Donna ni mune ga itakutemo soba ni iru no / Zutto / Zutto"  
("Hey, I discovered myself within / And my spirit calls out to me / No matter how far away I am, I can hear it / ... / Hey I found you / And so, without leaving you again / No matter how much I hurt inside I'll always be near you / I'll never release / Your hand that I held / Hey I found you / And so, without leaving you again / No matter how much I hurt inside I'll always be near you / Forever / Forever.")  
Tanaka Rie - "Ningyo Hime"_**

_**The End**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. Yes, that's a canon info. The room in which Beast is is very, very cold, kind of like a fridge. The other rooms of the Chi no Ryu's Headquarters are, however, warmer.

2. Enma DaiOh is the ruler of hell. Who dies should ends in his realm and be judged by him and by the other 9 King of Hell. Basically Seishiro's saying he won't give Subaru to anyone, not even death itself.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
So here's where the story ends. I'm not going to tell who won the battle between Chi no Ryu and Ten no Ryu and not even if Subaru managed to gain enough strength to control the Persocom. He is, however, with Seishiro, and has fulfilled his reason to live. He has protected the person most important to him and made him happy as best as he could and Seishiro has understood how important Subaru is for him. And I think Hokuto now can move on and stop feeling guilty. And maybe end up in Kakyou's dreams... Oh well... I'll leave the future of Subaru, Seishiro and Hokuto up to your imagination.  
I think that, after all, this can be an happy ending. It's odd but somehow I consider this story like a fairy tale...  
Oh, and yes, the Subaru Persocom now acts in a manner more similar to the original Subaru due to the fact that now he has a pain program. Subaru simply wasn't a person who lived in pure bliss, besides the fact that the Persocom can simulate every emotion allow each of them to look more real...  
"Ningyo Hime" is the second ending of **'Chobits'**.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**DaiOh:** "Great King". Enma's title  
**Enma:** "Demon of Darkness". Ruler of the Land of Dead  
**Obaasan:** "Grandmother" or "Old Woman"  
**Ojousan:** "Girl"  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyouji:** "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Itsumo Hitori**: As you can see in the end the boys didn't die... Seishiro had to choose to live with Subaru for the fic to work. Subaru's reason 'to live' was to protect Seishiro, Seishiro and Hokuto's reason to live is to be with Subaru. Seishiro, in his whole egoistic behaviour, acts very often like a child (incidentally very young kids don't consider others like people either...). His way to deal with Subaru is very childlike. He neglet him, mistreat him, he's possessive of him and wants to play with him. He doesn't seem to have any other toys so it should be terrible for him to definitely lose Subaru. He won't have anything to play with when he wants to play... and, all in all, he should have felt very lonely. Well, this is the end, yes. I let readers free to picture how the future of Subaru, Seishiro and Hokuto will be.

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


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